Friends Forever
by Smile-I'mTheEndOfAllThatYouSee
Summary: Orion Pax swore to stop Warlord Ratchet and his Autobots no matter what the cost. Then he got his chance. He never knew what a grave mistake he had just committed Slightly AU
1. Grave Mistake

**After watching "Orion Pax, part 1" and hearing Optimus vowing to stop Ratchet no matter what. I just had to write this, but alas, the idea in my head contradicted with parts of the next 2 episodes. I decided to write it anyway as I planned and lable it AU (which is why Orion is OOC). Honestly, I'm a bit dissappointed in how they played Optimus-now-Orion Pax. I was hoping, it would span more than 3 episodes, and make Orion act like a Decepticon and maybe coming into conflict with his Autobot teammates (in his quest to stop "Warlord Rathcet") and having to fight them, possibly doing some serious damage to them, but it didn't happen. Oh well.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the cartoon**

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><p><em>How did this happen? <em>Ratchet thought as he intently watched the battle ready Optimus Prime – no – Orion Pax, who glared at Ratchet with such hostility that it bordered hatred. Ratchet was ten miles away from base, inspecting a Decepticon energon source since only he was at base (and it wasn't too far of a drive), and therefore, he was the only one to go on the scouting mission. Ratchet was hoping there might be some Vehicons whom he could interrogate and demand to know where his leader was. He never expected Optimus to be here.

"Orion, please! Listen to me. You're not a Decepticon. Megatron has been lying to you," Ratchet pleaded, calling Optimus by his old name because he didn't want to inflame him any further. He did not want to fight Optimus.

"_You lie!_" Orion spitted venomously. "_You _kept me captive while you destroyed Cybertron. I vowed to Lord Megatron stop you and the Autobots at whatever cost, and now that you're here, that's exactly what I will do now."

Orion, with his sword drawn out, charged at Ratchet. Ratchet drew out his own set of swords and used them to deflect Optimus's attacks. Optimus was a great fighter better than Ratchet, but as Orion, although skilled, he didn't have the power that Optimus had, making Orion an equal match to Ratchet, but Ratchet refused to attack his leader.

_His best friend_

Next to Megatron, Ratchet was Optimus's closest friend. He met Optimus when he was still Orion at the High Council. Ratchet was a politician back then he was a young politician who often kept the peace between Orion and the High Council. Ratchet was impressed with the young bot's ideals and sought to hear more of what Orion believed it which led to many conversations and friendly debates. Ratchet encouraged Orion to nonviolently pursue his beliefs and stand his ground against those who seek to denounce him. Pretty soon, Ratchet and Orion bonded and became good friends, but it was Megatron's betrayal that really sealed the bond.

_Orion sat on the floor in the corner of his room shrouded in the darkness. If sorrow could put out sparks than Orion would have been offlined a while ago._

_"He's really gone, isn't he?" a somber Orion said to Ratchet without looking up at him._

_"He isn't gone, 's in Kaon," Ratchet said to cheer him up. Megatron was like an older brother to Orion._

_"I know that, but the uncorrupted Megatron, the one that was like a brother to me, is gone."_

_Ratchet looked down, and sadly replied, "Yes, he's gone."_

_"Ratchet?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Please don't ever leave me or betray me or whatever. You're the only true friend I have left." If Transformers could cry, then tears would be trickling out of Orion's optics._

_Ratchet offered a hand. "I promise, best friend." _

Optimus drew out his ion-cannon and began blasting at Ratchet. Ratchet quickly maneuvered out of the way and dodged the blasts. "Please, Orion, please try and remember!"

Orion didn't listen. "You made a promise to me, remember?"

Ratchet only nodded.

"You promised you wouldn't betray me, and you did. You, the Autobots, and the High Council lied to me about Lord Megatron's so-called betrayal and made it out to be as if he and his Decepticons were evil. Slag you, Ratchet!" Orion yelled and fired. Never before had he felt such rage over the betrayal of one of his closest friends. The rage overcame him, blinded him.

"Orion, I would never do that to you!" Ratchet yelled back while dodging more ion blasts. Thunder rolled overhead.

Orion wouldn't hear of it as he charged at Ratchet full speed, tackled Ratchet, and pinned him on the ground. The thunder screamed overhead, and the rage, hurt, and hatred could be seen glowing on Orion's optics. Ratchet swore that they were almost blood red. Orion drew out his sword.

"I'm gonna end this once and for all," Orion said menacingly and determinedly.

Ratchet could feel the bulk of Orion's weight on him. Orion was twice Ratchet's size and just as heavy. Ratchet couldn't just free himself by twisting and turning his body. The only way to save himself was to injure or kill Orion.

_Kill_

_Kill his leader, his best friend_

Ratchet couldn't do it. He just couldn't hurt his best friend even if he was currently being fed lies to and now wanted to kill him. He and Optimus had been through so much together. All the sorrows, the debates, the fights, teamwork, laughs, joys, friendship. Everything. Ratchet just couldn't bring himself to kill or injure Optimus. It was…impossible. Unthinkable! And besides, the Autobots need Optimus more than they need him. Orion brought down the sword, and Ratchet whispered, "Goodbye, old friend." It was so soft and quiet that not even Orion could hear it.

The sword ripped through Ratchet's body where his spark is, cruelly ripping apart metal. Energon bled all over, and Ratchet's spark - where he held his – friendship with Optimus – dimmed.

"It is done," Orion simply said, not realizing the grave mistake he had just committed. Orion retransformed his sword into his hand and walked away, leaving Ratchet to die. Somewhere in the distance, Ratchet hear the opening and quick closing of a Groundbridge, realizing that some Decepticon had groundbridged Orion back to the _Nemesis._

Rain began to fall from the sky, and a large puddle of energon formed around Ratchet. Water mixed with energon, and thunder protested its anger in the sky. Ratchet could do nothing but listen to the thunder's anger and slowly and painfull die as he did not have the energy to comlink anyone, and there was no one back at base. Ratchet was left to die alone.

And the irony was bitter, hard-to-swallow, and tragic, but in a way, righteous if it meant that Ratchet didn't have to kill Orion.

"Oh, Optimus," Ratchet wailed, "I'm so sorry that I'm leaving you. I'm so sorry that I couldn't restore your memories and bring you home. I'm so sorry, old friend."

One last outcry from thunder, and Ratchet died.

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><p><strong>Was it emotionally heartbreaking enough? Did I get their friendship spot on?<strong>


	2. Never Coming Home

**Due to popular request, I've decided to make this a multi-fic. More to come! Disclamer: i don't own Transformers: Prime**

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><p>"<em>At the end of the world<br>Or the last thing I see  
>You are never coming home, never coming home<br>Could I? Should I?_

_And all the things that you never ever told me_  
><em>And all the smiles that are ever ever"<em>

- "The Ghost of You" by: My Chemical Romance

The bright blue energon was an ugly brownish blue as it mixed with sand and water from rain that ended hours ago. Arcee, Bumblebee, and Bulkhead can only stare in grieving shock at the sight of Ratchet sprawled on the desert floor without a spark. The gaping wound was obvious.

Arcee slowly approached Ratchet as if she were afraid of waking him up. When she was close enough, she knelt down and gently inspected the wound. It was obvious that the cause was a sword, but from who?

Bumblebee made low beeping noises that could be attributed to sniffling, the beginnings of crying. Bulkhead only looked on at their dead medic and unofficial second-in-command. "Who did this?" Bulkhead asked in almost a whisper.

Arcee only continued to inspect the wound, analyzing every detail of the damage the sword caused. She knew that only two Transformers could have done this: Megatron or Optimus. Arcee shuddered to think it was the latter, but she knew she couldn't rule it out as a possibility. Optimus truly thought he was a Decepticon so it's no surprise that he would attack Ratchet, an Autobot, but did Optimus even as Orion Pax had the gut, the drive, the strength to kill another Transformer. Optimus had always shown his enemies mercy, rarely taking away life, but since Optimus and Orion are one in the same, wouldn't Orion feel the same? If that was the case, then what did Ratchet do to make Optimus feel provoked into killing Ratchet? Knowing, Ratchet, nothing. If Ratchet didn't provoke Optimus, and Optimus, even as Orion Pax, would always show mercy to enemies, then Megatron had to be the culprit. It was obviously him. Only he would senselessly kill another living thing, especially Autobot with human not too far behind. It had to be Megatron. She will murder him for it.

But Arcee began to realize that damage to Ratchet did not correspond with Megatron's sword. Megatron's sword was long and straight. Optimus's sword is long, but it curved somewhat, and before the curve, the sides of the sword were pointed. Inside Ratchet's wound appeared to two vertical lines embedded on opposite sides as if something punctured the metal and was pulled out. Megatron's sword wouldn't cause that, but a sword that has two pointed sides…

"Arcee!" Bulkhead repeated, "_Who _did it? Who murdered Ratchet?" Then Bumblebee beeped demandingly for Arcee to reply.

But Arcee could only contemplate at the evidence. Optimus kill Ratchet? No, he couldn't have. Even as Orion Pax, Optimus would never murder someone, but Optimus thinks he's a Decepticon. Is it possible that he would adopt the behavior of one also? No, he couldn't. If he did, then Optimus would never have become an Autobot in the first place. He would have been a Decepticon. He and Megatron may have wanted to discard the caste system and end the corruption, but that's as far as it went. Optimus chose peaceful means and reformation while Megatron sought violent means and wanted to get rid of the system all together. Optimus remained strict to his ideals. Megatron became corrupted.

But what if Megatron lied to Optimus that would not only make him think that the Decepticons where the heroes and the Autobots were evil? That could lead to Optimus killing Ratchet. No, it couldn't. Optimus always showed mercy to the evil Decepticons, offering them a second chance and always fighting honorably. Maybe Megatron spun a special, evil lie about Ratchet that would make Ratchet an exception. Could that happened? But no matter how Arcee pondered why, she knew in her spark and the evidence blatantly shows that Optimus killed Ratchet. She shuddered at the horrid, impossible revelation.

"Arcee!" Bulkhead yelled.

Finally, Arcee was ready to give an answer, but she didn't want to voice it but lying would be an insult to Ratchet's memory, and besides, her friends deserved to know the truth. No matter how wrong it was. In a shaky voice, she replied, "Op-Optimus killed Ratchet."

It was as if she dropped a bomb. Bulkhead could only react the way he knew how. "No! He wouldn't! Even as Orion and even as a Decepticon Optimus would never kill much less hurt kill Ratchet. Megatron had to have done it. He's the only other guy with a sword, well, other than Ratchet, but Ratchet's not suicidal."

"The damage doesn't correspond with Megatron's sword! Ratchet has two marks on the sides of his wound. Megatron's sword is straight, but Optimus's sword has two pointed sides!" Arcee yelled, but she didn't need to elaborate on the details for they understood.

Bulkhead's and Bumblebee's optics widened. "No," Bulkhead whispered. Bumblebee made wailing sounds. He was "crying" for Ratchet's death and Optimus's tragic mistake.

Arcee looked like she was as close to crying as a Transformer could get. "Come on. We need to get Ratchet back to base."

Bulkhead, being the only one strong enough, lifted Ratchet, careful not to further damage him, and hoisted him up. "Come on, buddy," Bulkhead said softly to his dead friend, "Let's get you back home." Bulkhead carried him bridal style.

"Jack, opened up a GroundBridge," Arcee commlinked back to base.

The Groundbridge appeared, and the three Autobots solemnly walked into the portal while energon leaked, making a trail of little puddles.

As soon as the three living Autobots plus one dead one were back at Autobot Central Command, Jack, Miko, and Raf raced over to the Autobots. Their happy faces fell dead short when they saw Ratchet with colorless optics and energon leaking from where his spark chamber was.

"Ratchet is he…" Jack began to say.

Arcee could only shake her head. It was too painful, too agonizing to find the words to put "dead" and "Ratchet" in the same sentence.

The three understood Arcee's confirmation and painful sadness overcame them. Raf noticed how torn up Bumblebee was and rushed to his side. Bumblebee knelt down and picked up Raf, drawing comfort and support from him. Ratchet's death was especially hard for Raf, too, who out of the three kids, he was the one who was remotely close to Ratchet, probably because Raf helped out Ratchet with human technology, and therefore, got to know him a bit better than Jack and Miko.

Bulkhead gently laid down Ratchet on one of the beds used for when one of them was sick or injured and Ratchet had to fix them up. Bulkhead stayed by Ratchet's body, keeping a useless vigil for him. No, not a vigil but a sign that Ratchet was indeed alive, and he would wake up any minute. Bulkhead gently rubbed Ratchet's head. It was the gentlest Bulkhead had ever been. Ratchet would be proud.

Miko ran up to Bulkhead. "It's gonna be okay, Bulk." She had been crying. "How did Ratchet die?"

Bulkhead didn't want to reveal the ironic, tragic truth so he only said, "A sword extinguished his spark."

"But who did it?" Miko asked.

Bulkhead didn't want to tell her the truth, but he didn't want to lie to her either. Miko had enough bad habits for her to pick up another one, and Bulkhead loved her enough that he couldn't lie to Miko.

Fortunately, Arcee saved Bulkhead. She was sitting down while Jack rubber her back in a comforting way when she spoke up, "Optimus killed Ratchet."

It stunned the three humans. "Are you sure, Arcee?" Jack asked.

Arcee nodded her head. "The damage to Ratchet matched the damage Optimus's sword could cause. It definitely wasn't Megatron's doing. Now the only question is why?"

"But Optimus would never kill Ratchet!" Miko blurted out.

"Yeah, aren't they like best friends or something after Megatron turned evil?" Raf said, recalling a story Ratchet told him once about how he and Optimus met.

"Well, who knows what Megatron is feeding Optimus's processors to make optimus want to kill Ratchet. He already thinks he's a Decepticon," Arcee stated.

Miko climbed on the bed and got a good look at Ratchet's wound. Sure enough she could see two embedded lines opposite of each other inside the hole which she assumed was the correspondence Arcee was talking about. To her horror, she could see the bed through the wound so Optimus used his sword and put a whole in Ratchet. The idea of Optimus doing that to one of his closest, most trusted comrades was horrifying and unthinkable! It made Miko feel nauseated. Bulkhead noticed this and picked her up and placed her on his shoulder where Miko through her arms around Bulkhead's neck, giving him the tightest hug she could muster. Bulkhead gently cupped her body and returned the hug.

With Optimus gone, it was the Autobots' darkest hour. With Ratchet dead and Optimus gone, their darkes hour had just gotten darker. Losing Optimus was hard enough. They knew that somehow, someway, they can get him back and restore his memories, but with Ratchet dead just made it worse. Actually, it was worse than losing Optimus because Optimus can and _will _come back. Ratchet, on the other hand, is never coming back. They had lost a valuable and beloved friend and comrade.

None of the Autobots or humans knew what to do or process the unthinkable act that Optimus killed Ratchet. All they knew and did was mourn for their lost friend and lean on each other for support.


	3. In The End

**New chapter! Heavily inspired from "In The End" by Linkin Park. Enjoy. Disclaimer: I don't own song or show**

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><p>"<em>I've put my trust in you<br>Pushed as far as I can go  
>For all this<br>There's only one thing you should know  
>I've put my trust in you<br>Pushed as far as I can go  
>For all this<br>There's only one thing you should know  
>I tried so hard<br>And got so far  
>But in the end<br>It doesn't even matter  
>I had to fall<br>To lose it all  
>But in the end<br>It doesn't even matter"_

- "In The End" by: Linkin Park

As soon as Orion Pax arrived on the _Nemesis,_ he walked straight to Megatron's quarters. "Lord Megatron," Orion said.

"Yes, old friend?" Megatron asked, hiding his cruel demeanor for the stoic, firm but kind mech Orion knew him as.

"I have extinguished the warlord Ratchet's spark," Orion said bitterly and proudly.

Megatron's optics widened. "Have you? Well the, excellent work although I'm a bit surprised. You usually show mercy to your enemies."

"Yeah well, Ratchet could have destroyed more innocent lives. One dead is better than millions dead, and besides Ratchet was my friend, and he betrayed me," Orion stated matter-of-factly.

"Very well then. By your act, you have possibly saved countless lives, but there are still Autobots fiercely loyal to him that not only will avenge Ratchet's death but continue his plans of world conquest. We will still need to hunt them down."

"Then I'll do whatever I can," Orion vowed.

Megatron placed a hand on Orion's right shoulder. "You will, but first you need to rest. Then I need you to finish decrypting those data from Iacon."

"Very well," Orion said. He left Megatron's quarters for his own.

He laid down on his birth, but instead on going straight to a recharge, he thought about his actions only half an hour ago. He just killed Ratchet. Ruthless, cruel Ratchet. Energon-hungry, warlike Ratchet. Killer, demonic Ratchet. Peaceful, close friend Ratchet.

Where did Ratchet go wrong?

Ratchet encouraged Orion's ideals and beliefs when Megatron began pulling away. Ratchet listened to him. Not only listened but shared some of his ideals, believing that they should use nonviolence and reformation to solve the political corruption and end the caste system. Did Ratchet mean what he said or was it all a sham? Maybe it wasn't, but Megatron's philosophy proved right all along. Turns out, Megatron proved good this whole time, but Ratchet proved to be evil and cruel.

Megatron said that during his captivity, the Autobots brainwashed him into siding with them. It was Ratchet's idea. He wanted to change him into Ratchet's own likeness – a ruthless killer – in order to preserve the friendship they once had but in a more twisted way which explains why there's a huge gap in his memory bank.

_It's amazing how friendship can change? _Orion thought. Long ago, he and Megatron were practically brothers, but they grew apart (or so he thought). Then he and Ratchet grew close. Now he and Megatron are pretty much brothers, and he and Ratchet are now bitter enemies. Life is a crazy thing, but it stung him, too. In a perfect world, Orion would be friends with both mechs at the same time, or at least Ratchet would have been his true friend this whole time. For all he knew, the whole peace thing was a whole fraggin' charade.

_I trusted you, Ratchet, but I guess, in the end it doesn't even matter. You're dead, and you deserved it. _Orion thought back to the times when Ratchet was the peaceful mech he was. Ratchet had once encouraged Orion to speak out but to never resort to violence. He even started friendly debates with Orion to help him develop his thoughts, and Orion loved Ratchet for it, but now things aren't the way they are now. Ratchet was just a liar. Either that or he became corrupted. Then he's a slaggin' hypocrite. Orion had trusted Ratchet and listened to him. It was because of Ratchet that Orion preserved his seemingly impossible ideals and didn't budge for anyone, but it turns out Ratchet wasn't or became the mech he wasn't. Meatron was the true one this whole time so Orion budged and devoted himself to the Decepticon cause. Megatron was right all along, but it doesn't even matter now. All that matters is stopping the Autobots. Ratchet is dead. Orion made sure of that.

Ratchet even tried to control him, acting like he owned Orion. _I changed, Ratchet. I'm not your piece of property. I'm my own mech. I now know where I truly stand._ "Heh," Orion laughed bitterly, "I bet you didn't even recognize me when you captured me. It doesn't matter now. We were once friends, but not anymore. In the end, it doesn't even matter. Nothing does." They were once so close, but not anymore. They were bitter enemies, but one stood high while the other fell. The friendship died a long time ago. Saving innocent lives and Cybetron were more important. Orion tried to think of himself as a hero, but a part of his spark still wished things could have been different. Maybe in the end, part of it did matter, but it can't be helped. What's done is done, and now countless lives were saved from Ratchet. Still…

Orion got up. His mind was too busy to rest. He exited out of his quarters and to the Decepticon archives to decrypt some of that data from Iacon. For awhile things were quiet and boring as Orion struggled to complete a task he was once so fluent in, but out of the blue, the door was kicked open, and Orion turned around to see a surprised mech with a stack of energon, covering his face except for an optic. As soon as the mysterious mech saw Orion, he dropped the energon, aimed his missiles at Orion, and in surprise and fear, shouted "Optimus Prime?"

It was Starscream.


	4. Eulogy

**Here's the next chapter. Disclaimer: I don't own the show**

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><p>"<em>We're going to miss him.<em>

_It's, so long._  
><em>We wish you well.<em>  
><em>You told us how you weren't afraid to die.<em>  
><em>Well then, so long.<em>  
><em>Don't cry.<em>  
><em>Or feel too down.<em>  
><em>Not all martyrs see divinity.<em>  
><em>But at least you tried."<em>

- "Eulogy" by: Tool

It's been three days since Ratchet's death and no one has really done anything except pick up their charges. Even when Miko, Jack, and Raf arrived on base, there was no laughter or monster truck rallies blaring from the TV or the sound of competition at the videogame consul. Even Miko, the loudest and spunkiest of all was as silent as a grave. The night Ratchet died, Jack had come home and told his mother the sad news. The next day, she personally brought flowers and explained to the confused Autobots it was a human tradition to bring flowers to the loved ones of the deceased. Arcee thanked her graciously. Special Agent Fowler, who was filled in the day June came over, was sympathetic to them and didn't give anyone of them a hard time. The pain of losing someone you cared about was understood by both Autobot and human that it gave even the hardcore a sense of empathy.

However, the third day, the Autobots knew that they couldn't just leave Ratchet on the cot forever. It wasn't they needed it. No, they had six including that one. It was that it was time to bury Ratchet, to honor him one last time.

The humans – Jack, Raf, Miko, June (who held a boquet of black roses), and Special Agent Fowler – stood by Arcee and Bumblebee as Bulkhead gently picked up Ratchet. With Bulkhead as the lead, all of them solemnly walked in a sort of short funeral procession to a back room down the hallway. A room, large enough to fit all of them, reserved to be a tomb just in case. It would have been Cliffjumper's place of rest had he not been resurrected as a Terrorcon and then utterly destroyed in the explosion. At least one comrade will get the dignity of a proper burial.

As soon as they got to the doorway, Arcee punched in a code and the door slid open. Inside were six cots in which one should have been filled (that thought always made Arcee's energon boil since her partner suffered the indignity of dying as a mindless animal in the most painful of ways which Cliffjumper didn't deserve) and another that was reluctantly being filled. Bulkhead gently laid down Ratchet on the closest cot as if he were putting a sparkling into its cradle berth. Then June laid her roses next to Ratchet. A few tears trickled from her eyes. She stepped back, and Jack put an arm around her shoulders.

"I guess we should say a few things," Miko piped up.

Special Agent Folwer cleared his throat and took a step forward. "Ratchet, despite giving you and your fellow Autobots a hard time, I just want to say thanks for the countless times you helped save our country and Earth. You are truly an American hero and a hero to the rest of the world. You will be sorely missed. Farewell, soldier." Then Special Agent Fowler saluted him. Afterwards, he stepped back.

"That was beautiful, Special Agent Fowler," June whispered.

Special Agent Fowler only smiled and whispered, "Thank you, Ms. Darby."

Bulkhead decided to say something next. He awkwardly out his right hand behind his head. "Uh hey, Ratchet…You know I'm not good at this kind of stuff, but I just wanna say thanks. Thanks for saving us whenever one of us was injured and thank for being the one to hold us up and keep our team strong when Optimus became amnesic. You always did look after us." Bulkhead put his arm down. "You once said that you were sick of war, and every time you failed to save someone, it haunted ya for the rest of your life. Well, now you don't have to feel that guilt in your spark. You're now a part of the AllSpark along with those you failed to save, and I don't think anyone one of them will hate you. More than anything, they'll throw you a hero's welcoming party or something. And the best of all is that your spark will be a part of the very thing that gives our species life. That's what you're best at: giving and saving life not taking it. You'll do great at it, and you won't have me to break any of your tools not that you'll need any in the afterlife. Well, thanks again for everything, buddy. I'll miss you."

Bulkhead retreated to Miko's side. She put her hand around her guardian's leg in a comforting way. Then to Ratchet, she said, "You may have been a grumpy old 'Bot, but were always family to me – like the crazy old uncle I never had which is saying a lot since I never had any relatives, and my host family is scared of me. So, yeah, you're basically family to me. I'll miss you, Ratchet. Rock on wherever you may be, dude!" She held up her left fist in the universal "Rock on" gesture.

Then it was Raf's turn. Out of all of the humans, Raf took this the hardest. He was closest to Ratchet compared to them, and second to Bumblebee, Raf was closest to Ratchet. So seeing Ratchet's dead corpse really hit hard. At least he had Bumblebee to lean on for support because they had both lost someone precious. Raf took a deep breath and said, "Ratchet, first of all, I want to thank you for saving my life when I was electrocuted by dark energon. I owe you…er, I _did_ owe you." Raf sniffled. "I'm really gonna miss you. I remember all the times that you would let me watch you do some experiments or something and sometimes you would tell me what you're doing or how you're doing it, and if it's simple enough, you would let me help, and I could always tell that you enjoyed it when I did. I'll also miss the times you lectured me on the basics of Cybertronian technology and engineering and how I taught you stuff about human science, especially computer science." Tears were beginning to pour. "Next to Bee, I psent a lot of time with you, and I could tell you enjoyed my presence, and you know what? I realized that you became like a surrogate father to me. My real dad was always so busy with work. That when he finally got home, he didn't have the time or energy for me and having four older siblings doesn't help either. Also, my dad was never interested in what I was interested in. He was more into sports on the TV. He never took time to take an interest in what I was doing. So when you came along, it was like having a real father, and I love you as if you were my dad. I'll really, really miss you. Goodbye." Raf used his sleeve to wipe his tears away. He was officially crying.

Bee knelt down and gently cupped his hand around Raf's body. Bumblebee watched as the sobs racked Raf's body, trying to comfort his charge, but it was useless and perhaps better. Raf needed to grieve, to hurt first, before he can heal. So Bumblebee decided to eulogize Ratchet. _"Ratchet, a million thanks for saving my life at Tyger Pax. I know it kills you that you couldn't repair my voice processors, and every day I wish I could speak, but I value my life over my voice, and I'm glad I'm still alive. Don't feel guilty about my voice. It wasn't your fault, and because of you, I was able to live and living allowed me to meet Raf and a beautiful friendship was born. It feels so good to be alive! Also, a billion thanks for saving Raf. I don't know what I would have done without him had he died. One thing's for sure is that the guilt would have eaten my spark like a black hole sucks in light. So thanks. I'm gonna miss you, Ratchet. I thought Cliffjumper would be the last and only death in this team. I never imagined you would leave us for the AllSpark. Never again will you berate us for getting injure while you equally show much concern for our lives and well being. Never again will you keep an ever constant vigil when I'm badly hurt or anyone of us is. You're a hero, Ratchet. You save lives not take, and you're slaggin' good at it! Being a hero that saves lives is a whole lot better than being a hero who takes lives. That makes you more than a hero than the rest of us. Optimus would be proud, and I promise you that we'll do whatever it takes to bring him back. I know you would want that, and I know you don't blame him for your death and neither do we. Goodbye, Ratchet. Tell Primus I said hi, okay?"_

Then Bumblebee proceeded to focus on Raf, drawing and giving comfort to him and vice versa. Arcee decided to say her last words to Ratchet. "Hey there, big guy." Her voice was tired and heavy but full of familial love. "You made the hole left by Optimus bigger when you died. We all need you. Not just for medical reasons or to find a way to track down Optimus or build a space bridge but we need you as a friend. I remember losing Tailgate and Cliffjumper and how much the pain hurt. It was agonizing, and even to this day, the pain still throbs in my spark. Well, losing you. It feels just like that, and I know in my spark that everyone feels that way, and I bet Optimus will, too, once he realizes the full extent of what he did though none of us including you blame him for your death. We're all gonna miss you. You were always there for us in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. No matter what, you set aside your own time and projects to take care of us. When we were an inch away from joinging the AllSpark, you battled death like a true warrior on the battlefield to save us and always came out victorious. Many Autobots are in debt to you. You would have been awarded the highest honor a field medic can receive back on Cybertron. I know that from the bottom of my spark. I'm sure there's a great reward from Primus for you instead. We will miss you greatly and deeply. So long, Ratchet, and goodbye." Arcee hung her head in heavy sadness.

Jack stepped up the plate. He cleared his throat of potential crying. He didn't know what to say. He never spoke at funerals or given a eulogy before. His father ran out on them and both sets of grandparents died before he was born. He has no other relatives. So he said the first things that came to mind. "Hey, Ratchet. Umm sorry if this is awkward. I never spoken at a funeral before, and I'm never good at expressing my emotions without acting like an idiot which is why I pretty much fail to impress Sierra. So just bear with me, okay?" Ratchet said nothing. Just looked at the ceiling with dimmed optics. "Anyway, I remember how we first met. You were not happy with having to deal with a bunch of humans. You were pretty annoyed with us and a bit intolerant, too, but soon you came around and grew to like us even care for us. Heck, you act a lot like a dad to Raf over here, and Miko considers you to be like her uncle, and in all honestly, I agree with Miko. You and the rest of the Autobot extended my small family of my mom and me to a large family of eight including Miko and Raf. I'm really glad, too. I guess I'm really gonna miss you. It's going to be a lot different at base. No more you grumbling at our presence while at the same time enjoying it. Well, as long as we're quiet." Jack smiled for a few seconds. "And, well, look I really don't know what to say, but I will make you a promise. I swear that I'll use the Key to Vector Segma and do whatever it takes to get to Vector Sigma and restore Optimus's memories. You have my word."

June put a comforting arm around her son. She barely knew Ratchet, but she felt compelled to say a few words to him. "Listen, Ratchet, I wanna thank you for watching after the kids and saving Raf's life. I'm sorry I doubted you. As an ER nurse, I understand what you must have gone through – saving lives every day or curing injuries – only to be the one in need of saving. Every day for me, it's a constant battle to drag someone away from death's doorstep. Sometimes I'm successful, and sometimes I'm not, but regardless you never think about your own life. I wonder if that's the same for you. It probably is. It's the medic's duty to save lives, and for medics, nothing becomes more important than the lives of others, slipping away, and I don't know what exactly happened out there, but my guess is that you were so focused on saving Optimus from himself that you completely disregarded your own life, and now it's gone. Remember, I don't know what happened out there so I could be wrong, and if I'm right, what you did is either foolish or noble but from what I know of you from Jack and how the others talk about you, I say you did something pretty noble out there regardless if I'm right or wrong. That's all I got to say."

With the individual eulogies said and done, Arcee began to mutter something in Cybertronian that sounded like a prayer for the dead. Bulkhead joined and Bumblebee followed suit. None of the humans, including Raf understood what was said, but they were memorized by the feeling – the feeling of reliving memories of a true friend, the laughter and joy of the deceased during their time of life, their hopes and dreams, experiences and thoughts, all once happened but now gone. Not for good, but in another world that could be shared to all. And as those memories and every emotion, thought, and experience Ratchet ever had was blessed by the prayer, their words floated up to the ceiling and escaped through tiny cracks and into the bright lit sun.

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><p><strong>I did my best with the eulogies. let me know if someone is OOC or not.<strong>


	5. Getting Away With Murder

**Short I know, but since it's based on an episode. I'm sure it's forgivable. Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or this awesome song that provided inspiration. It just goes so well with Orion trying to find out the truth while he'd just murdered Ratchet, especially the refrain of the song and the lyrics "Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness/I need to calculate/What creates my own madness". Anyway, I apologize for uploading the wroong chapter. That's what happens when you spend a whole day of partying and update this story at eleven pm**

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><p>"<em>I feel irrational<br>So confrontational  
>To tell the truth I am<br>Getting away with murder  
>It isn't possible<br>To never tell the truth  
>But the reality is I'm getting away with murder<br>(Getting away, Getting away, Getting away)"_

- "Getting Away With Murder" by: Papa Roach

Orion searched through the Decepticon archives not to decode the data frim Iacon but to find out who he really is. Starscream had called him "Optimus Prime" although he claimed that he mistaken him for someone else. Although that's a reasonable explanation, Starscream had made hints and riddles that Orion Pax is not who he thought he is. At first, Orion thought to ignore Starscream as Megatron said, Starscream defected to the Autobots. The same fraction who held him captive and brainwashed him so why should he listen to Starscream? But he remembered Ratchet trying to convince Orion that what he thought was wrong, and Orion decided to give in to his curiosity. After all, even he couldn't deny the little nagging voice in his processor that something was not right with him so somewhere between what Orion knows and what he thinks he knows, Orion had to give in to his curiosity and that incessant nagging and sort out truth from lies and find out who he really is.

Orion decided to look up "Optimus Prime" on the Decepticon data core since Starscream mistaken him for that mech. To his surprise, there were no data with that name. Orion should have been relieved that there's no incriminating evidence against the Decepticon's deception against him, but Orion was too curious to just end his search there. He scanned any data files for anything even remotely connected to the word. Just when all hope seemed gone, he found some encrypted files. _They must be hiding something, _Orion thought. _But what? Classified military data? _Orion hoped that was the answer. He didn't want learn that his whole life as a Decepticon was really a lie. After having a huge memory gap, he needed something solid, real, true, and familiar. If that was all just a deception, then who is he really? An Autobot? If Orion was really an Autobot, then that means Ratchet was speaking the truth, and that means…

He murdered Ratchet in cold energon.

Orion shook his head from that thought. He didn't even want to think about one friend murdered by his hand and his other friend as a monster. Orion couldn't be getting away with murder. It's all irrational. It's probably classified intelligence, encrypted in case the Autobots ever got a hold of Decepticon intelligence. Still, he had to know what those encrypted data says.

He studied the encryption. It obviously wasn't Autobot encryption but an unfamiliar Decepticon encryption courtesy of Soundwave. _He's good, _Orion thought, _but not good enough. _Orion pressed keys on the keyboard and began to encrypt the data while every so often he'll encrypt a few data from Iacon. Just to prevent suspicions. Finally, he was able to get thirty percent of it decoded. Orion read his findings. It said that a mech named Optimus Prime was the leader of the Autobots, and he brought a team to Earth known as Team Prime whose members are Ratchet (deceased), Arcee, Bumblebee, Bulkhead, and Cliffjumper (deceased). _That's funny, _Orion thought, _I thought Ratchet was the leader of the this guy named Optimus, and it says about Starscream who according to Lord Megatron defaulted to the Autobots. He's on Earth so wouldn't he be a part of Team Prime? And who's Arcee, Bumblebee, Bulkhead, and Cliffjumper?_ The only thing that was familiar was the label under Ratchet's name, deceased. It was probably just recently added. Still, Orion hoped that his killing of Ratchet was justified. He couldn't even process the thought of murdering one of his closest friends.

Orion worked on decoding the rest of the information. However, he realized Soundwave did a better job than he realized and some of it was difficult in decoding. It took hours, and he was only able to decode one datum which appeared to be a code for an image of Optimus Prime. He uploaded it, and to his shock, the image of Optimus Prime looks exactly like _him_. Orion stepped back in shock. He didn't encrypt all of the data, but this is almost absolute proof that Megatron has been lying to him, and Ratchet was right all along. Wait. Ratchet. If Ratchet was speaking the truth as Orion fought him, then that means…

"Oh Primus, what have I done?" Orion wailed. He stared at his shaking hands as the cold realization set in that Orion had the murder of a dear friend and had gotten away with it like a clever criminal. "I've just offlined Ratchet, one of my best friends, in cold energon." He fell to his knees, feeling his spark dimming from the guilt of offlining his best friend who only wanted to save Orion Pax. How could he have been so cruel, so blind? "No," Orion muttered, "This can't be true. I haven't decrypted the rest of the data. It's got to be a mistake." Drawing strength from this, Orion got up and went straight to work. It took hours, but he was finally able to get it done. However, it didn't provide the relief Orion hoped it would provide. Instead it only confirmed the truth of Ratchet's words. Orion Pax is Optimus Prime even though right now Orion felt far from worthy of being a Prime. Orion is an Autobot out of free will not a Decepticon.

Orion just sat on the floor, "sobbing". "Oh, Ratchet, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have been so blind with revenge. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. Please forgive me, Ratchet, my best friend, because I don't feel worthy of life right now or your friendship."


	6. Escape

**Longest chapter yet which I think makes up for the shortness of the previous chapter. Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers**

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><p>"<em>Just gonna stand there and watch me burn<br>But that's alright because I like the way it hurts  
>Just gonna stand there and hear me cry<br>But that's alright because I love the way you lie  
>I love the way you lie"<em>

- "Love The Way You Lie" by: Eminem ft. Rihanna

After an hour of grieving and regretting, Orion slowly got up. He was ready to confront Megatron and make him pay for deceiving him for if Megatron didn't lie to Orion, Orion wouldn't have killed Ratchet. He was about to form a strategy in his mind when it hit Orion: _Hold on. Last time I felt like this was when Megatron lied to me that Ratchet was responsible for Cybertron's demise, and I ended up wrongfully killing him. I should prevent the same mistake and give Megatron the benefit of the doubt._

Satisfied with this, Orion returned to his post and reread every single detail about Optimus Prime, absorbing it like sponge absorbing water, soaking it up in order to give himself a better of idea of who he was – who he _is_. He needed to know, and perhaps, by reading about his life as a Prime would trigger a memory or two. Orion hoped that with his entire spark.

He read the information twenty times over and could not trigger a thing. He even started to doubt himself that he was a Prime. Even if he was, he's no longer worthy to become one, seeing as he murdered his best friend without giving him the benefit of the doubt or even truly listening to Ratchet's words. And if Orion did somehow manage to rejoin the Autobots, how would they accept him knowing he helped the Decepticons and killed one of their own. He should be executed as a traitor. He deserves it!

And yet even though Megatron lied to Orion, leading him to kill Ratchet and possibly endanger innocent lives – human and Autobot – Orion still felt sadness about having to possibly fight the only brother he ever had. It felt so good to be back with his old friend. It was just like the old days, well, not a 100%. Now that Orion remembers there was a slight cold distance between them lately, but still, it was nice to know that the once existent rift was really a deception, and now they were as close as ever. Or so Orion was told. Turns out that was just another deception although Orion loved to believe it true. Maybe it is. He needs to give Megatron the benefit of the doubt.

But what if it's true? If Orion is truly Optimus (he's still not a 100% sure), then that means he would have to fight Megatron, and the idea of fighting his brother not in sparring but possibly to the death seemed impossible and anguished his spark. It seems like he can only have one true friend while the other must perish in his betrayal.

Orion suddenly heard the heavy footsteps of Megatron approaching. Orion quickly switched to the data from Iacon and started decoding them. Soon Megatron entered, and Orion tensed as he felt the cold distance grow bigger and felt as if Megatron could read Orion's mind and know that Orion knows what Megatron knows not what Megatron has been saying. With those red optics boring into him like a wolf circling its prey, maybe Megatron could. You could feel the awkwardness between the two although Megatron pretended everything was alright.

_Remember, _Orion thought, _give Megatron the benefit of the doubt._

"Orion, have you made progress with Project Iacon?" Megatron asked.

Orion couldn't just tell him the real reason for the lack of progress. Even though Orion was going to give Megatron a chance to explain himself, he still felt a sense of distrust towards his brother. He chose to lie instead. So he turned around to face his brother and lied, "It seems that I am a bit rustier than I thought." Orion prayed that Megatron would believe it.

"Might that have anything to do with the nature of your afterhours research?"

_Slag! He didn't fall for it! _Orion thought.

Megatron walked towards him. "Did I fail to mention that we would be tracking your activites?" Megatron pressed a button on the keyboard, revealing all the data Orion collected on Optimus Prime.

It was then that burning desire to truly confirm who he is and for Megatron to explain himself consumed him. Forget lying and subtle hints. It was now or never. "Why does history portray me siding with the Autobot aggressors? And why did Starscream call me a Prime? I must know…who _am _I?"

Orion Pax expected an explanation whether reasonable or faulty or anything related to the topic. Instead, Megatron simply but coldly replied, "You are my clerk. Now get back to work and decode that database."

Orion was surprised by the lack of explanation, but it told him everything he needed to know. Megatron, his brother whom he dearly loved, had lied to him since the day he stepped on the _Nemesis_. Betrayal ripped through his spark, making him relive that pain from so long ago when Megatron severed ties with him. It hurt so badly, but the thought of being subtly manipulated to kill Ratchet made a fire replace his spark that roared and raged, but he needed to keep his emotions in check right now. "No. I would rather erase my findings than make them available for your questionable use." Orion pressed a button and erased all data related to Iacon and Optimus Prime.

Orion felt triumphant and was about to leave – an act of his defiance to Megatron and the Decepticons. However, that triumph quickly left when Megatron laughed, pressed a button, and to Orion's horror, all his findings appeared on screen. Mockingly, Megatron sneered, "Did you really think that we wouldn't be tracking and documenting every iota of your invaluable research?"

Then the electrical sounding of doors sliding open sounded, and Soundwave appeared, showing a picture of Cybertron in his monitor of a face.

"One of our sentries was activated on Cybertron?" Megatron asked a bit surprised.

_Another lie. _"You told me our planet was dead."

To cover himself up, Megatron quickly said, "That is beside the point! Guards!" Two Vehicons arrive. To Orion Megatron, threatened, "You will finish Project Iacon by the time I return." Megatron drew out his sword. "Or I will carve out your spark before your very eyes." Orion could see his face in the silver gleaming, deathly blade and wondered what it would be like to face agony while watching your very own spark slowly and painfully ripped from your frame. Satisfied with his threat, Megatron left followed by Soundwave. The two Vehicons guarded the close doors and kept sharp optics on Orion.

Defeated and terrified, Orion went back to work decoding the data while feeling the optics of the two Vehicons bore into his back, enhancing the tension and making it harder to work. He did his best because it was life or death for him, but really made it hard to concentrate wasn't the Vehicon's presence or the anger at Megatron but the sorrow that Megatron wasn't the mech he thought he was. When he Megatron told him that the High Council and the Autobots lied to him about Megatron and the Decepticons being evil, Orion was at first shocked but mostly overjoyed that he did not lose his brother after all and began apologizing that he thought otherwise. For awhile, it was as if things were like before. Now Orion knew that was a lie, and for that, he mourned once again for the loss of his brother and tried to come to grips that his brother will most likely become his adversary. Decoding data didn't help keep his mind off things, but the more he decoded, the more he thought of the Autobots and Ratchet who were the real defenders of Earth, forces of good not evil. Then he remembered Ratchet's promise all those vorns ago.

_"Please don't ever leave me or betray me or whatever. You're the only true friend I have left."._

_"I promise, best friend."_

Orion made have murdered Ratchet, but that doesn't mean he should continue to live his life as a Decepticon. He made a grave mistake, but in some ways he can redeem himself and live his life on his own terms of morality. Orion knew for certain. He is an Autobot. Somehow he'll come clean to the others, beg for forgiveness, and ask to join their ranks, but first things first. Orion stopped decoding.

One of the Vehicons transformed their hand and arm into a blaster, energized it, and stepped towards Orion. "No one told you to stop, Pax." The other one followed the ready-to-fire Vehicon and transformed his hand and arm into a blaster.

Orion could hear the sounds of impeding fire. _Vehicons are just foot soldiers. Surely they want freedom that the Autobots are fighting for. Maybe I can get them to help. _Orion turned around and said, "I believe Megatron intends to use whatever he finds in Project Iacon to harm the Autobots." He stepped closer to them. "Please we can warn them."

That was a big mistake as one of them punched Orion so hard in the gut, he stumbled backward and groaned in pain. The Vehicon kicked him in the chassis, pushing Orion down on the ground. Then the Vehicon gave him a good kick to the side. When Orion looked up at his aggressor, the Vehicon began to energize its blaster, getting ready to fire if necessary.

_I deserve death, but if I don't warn the Autobots, they might offline! _Orion thought.

Orion transformed his arms into ion cannons and quickly offlined the Vehicons, destroying part of the room in the process. Orion shifted through rubble and ran down the halls of the _Nemesis. _He knew Megatron and Soundwave were at the SpaceBridge. Orion encounted Vehicon fire, and Orion quickly blasted them away, offlining a lot but feeling no guilt whatsoever due to Vehicons being drones and therefore sparkles robots. Orion needed to get to the Groundbridge right away.

As soon as he got to the Groundbridge, he pointed one of his ion cannons at the Vehicon's head, "GroundBridge me to the location of the SpaceBridge and be spared."

The Vehicon quickly did as he was told, knowing he was no match for Orion. Once the GroundBridge lit up, Orion shoved the Vehicon away and walked through the bright green portal. As soon as the Groundbridge opened at its destination, Orion heard the faint whisper of Megatron saying, "Come, Arcee, so that I might end the lineage of the Primes for all time."

When the GroundBridge fully opened, Orion walked out confidently and declared, "I cannot allow that to happen, Megatron." _I guess Soundwave isn't here. That's one less Transformer to deal with._

Megatron stared in shock at the appearance of Orion, but that shock quickly turned into anger, and then into confidence of a victory over Orion. "And why should you care, Orion Pax. You are no Prime!" Megatron mocked.

Suddenly, Orion's confidence slipped away as his doubt over being a Prime overcame him, but right now he had to push away that doubt so he boldly said, "That may be true, or yet another deception, but this much I do know: my sympathies lie with the Autobots, and you are _not _one of us!"

Orion drew out his newly discovered swords in preparation for battle against his brother. Orion charged at Megatron, ready to strike him, but Megatron blocked his broken sword with his fusion cannon. Then Megatron deliveded a hard blow to Orion's stomach area, making Orion keel over, knocking the fight out of him. Meagtron was harder to fight than Ratchet was. "Your spark may be in the right place, Orion." Megatron delivered a hard blow on top of Orion's head, knocking him down. "But you have much to learn before you can hope to ever stand your ground against me." Orion struggled to get up, still weakened from the Vehicons' beatings. "A moment sadly which will never come." Megatron raised his sword about to make the final blow when the sound of an engine roared. It transformed into a blue femme and knocked Megatron with such force, removing Orion from harm's way.

Orion watched the battle between the two, and then turned around to see a strange looking creature that must be what Megatron called a human before. The human held up a flat piece of glowing metal in which Orion identified as the Matrix of Leadership. He knew what the human meant.

"Are you..certain I am worthy?" _I killed Ratchet! You must know about it! He was your ally, I think._

But the human had no anger or doubt in his eyes. He confidently replied, "You have no idea."

The human stretched his hand farther as blue light shined from the Matrix and into his now revealed spark chamber. As the blue light shined, wisdom and knowledge that Orion had never possessed filled his mind, his spark, feeling one with the Primes. Memories, experiences, emotions that he has never felt before stood clearly among the rest, and Orion automatically knew what they were: his alter ego – Optimus Prime. He felt Optimus take over his body, mind, and spark, filling him with sweet memories such as the first time he met his sparkmate Elita One, the formation of the Autobots, Team Prime. He now knew that the blue femme who saved his life was Arcee, Elita's sister, who would end his life if he ever broke Elita's spark. He knew that the yellow youngling was Bumblebee in which Optimus was sort of a father figure to, and that the green bulky mech was Bulkhead. Then Optimus told Orion that the human before him was Jack Darby, a human teenager taken under Autobot protection along with a girl named Miko and a young boy named Raf. He remembered other humans, too: June and Agent Fowler. He remembered his duty to protect the human race. Optimus told Orion all of this and more while Orion slipped somewhere in his subconscious, carrying away his memories on the _Nemesis. _

Orion left his mark on Optimus by leaving all memories prior to becoming a Prime into Optimus's conscious as Optimus remembered snuggling against his creators as a youngling and the love he once had for his brother. Optimus gave Orion the fighting skill and confidence Orion never had. He gave Orion all of those things while Orion retreated into Optimus's subconscious. But the one thing Orion couldn't give to Optimus was Orion's memories as a Decepticon, especially the memory of killing Ratchet. It wasn't that Orion didn't want to, but the horror of realizing what Optimus's hands did to Ratchet as Orion was so horrible, so incomprehensible, that Optimus's mind suppressed all memories as a Decepticon so the blue light cleansed Optimus from the Decepticon tainted Orion. And Optimus felt whole again minus the huge memory blank from his experiences as a Decepticon.


	7. Where's Ratchet?

**Another update! Enjoy. Btw, the piece below is a poem not a song. Disclaimer: I don't own show or poem**

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><p><em>"What has happened to Lulu, mother?<em>

_What has happened to Lu?_

_There's nothing in her bed but an old rag-doll_

_And by its side a shoe."_

- "What Has Happened to Lulu" by: Charles Causley

At first, Optimus felt dizzy and confused like he had been dead for several years and had just come back to life. He did not know where he was, but as he took in his surroundings carefully and slowly, he realized he was in a Decepticon energon mine where there Space Bridge is located. He saw Jack and realized that Arcee, Bulkhead, and Bumblebee were here, lying in the ground injured and/or unconscious, and Ratchet must be back at Base. _What happened? Why is there a huge memory gap in my processor? _

Optimus, slowly getting his bearings straight, watched as the Matrix of Leadership floated into the air before finding its place in his hand. Optimus had little time to observe the Matrix as Megatron was charging at him, full speed. Megatron raised his sword, ready to strike hard, but Optimus caught it in his hands. Optimus looked up to the twisted face of his once –brother. "Megatron!" Optimus drew his battle mask and clenched his fist, getting ready to punch. "Be gone!" He punched the Decepticon leader hard in the face, and Megatron staggered back. Optimus punched him hard again and repeated to do so before giving the final blow, sending the Decepticon leader flying. It was as if the injuries he received from the Vehicons were nonexistent, but to Optimus's mind, they were. He didn't even remember them beating him. He didn't even know how he got here.

"Arcee, Bulkhead, Bumblebee, how did we arrive here?"

"It's a long story, big guy," Bulkhead replied, "a really, really long story.

"Base to Arcee," Agent Fowler said through commlink, "We're reading four Autobot life signals down there. Is Prime with you?"

"And Jack," Arcee replied.

The Autobots began firing when Megatron reawakened. Then a GroundBridge appreaerd.

"It's ours!" Arcee shouted among the chaos of blasters.

"Autobots, fall back!" Optimus commanded.

Arcee, Jack, Bumblebee, and Bulkhead retreated while Optimus held his ground, firing at Megatron before retreating at the last minute. Because of this, Optimus was the last one to step into base. As soon as he did, he observed his surroundings, taking in the familiarity of it. _It feels like I haven't been here in months, _Optimus thought. _It feels good to be back even though I don't know why I feel like this._

He looked down to see an anxious Raf and Miko. "Optimus?" Raf asked.

"Hello Rafael," Optimus greeted. It felt like he hadn't seen anyone in months maybe a year.

"Whoah!" Raf gasped.

"The big guy remembers us!" Miko shouted, "Wahoo!"

Optimus glanced at his arm, and to his surprise found a Decepticon insignia where his Autobot one should be. "Although it seems there is much I do not remember."

"When you gave up the Mtrix of Leadership, you reverted back to Orion Pax, forgetting everything as Optimus Prime. Megatron manipulated you into becoming a Decepticon, but somehow, you managed to escape, declaring yourself an Autobot. Jack here traveled to Cybertron, got a new Matrix of Leadership, and restored your memories." Arcee explained. Although Optimus didn't realize it, she was ignoring the elephant in the room.

Optimus only nodded, but his eyes traveled down on the floor to see Jack in a specialized space suit, hugging his mother. "Jack, thank you for restoring my memories, for bringing me back. I owe you."

Jack let go of June and scratched the back of his head. "It was nothing, but it was pretty cool to go to Cybertron and see Vector Sigma. If only I could what Cybertron looked like before the war."

"Did you get me a souvenir?" Raf asked.

"Sorry no. I was sort of busy focusing on preventing the scraplets from chewing out the mainframe. Anyway, how do I get out of this thing?" Jack asked, remembering how complicated and long it took in putting this suit on.

"I'll help you," Agent Fowler said and took Jack to the same room in the back of the missile silo that Jack used to put the suit on.

Optimus then realized that someone was missing. Ratchet was nowhere to be found. He assumed that Ratchet was here, manning the GroundBridge and providing tech support, but he's not in base. "Where's Ratchet?"

Everyone in the room tried not to look too awkward. Should they tell Optimus the truth or lie to him? They had just gotten him back and wanted to celebrate, and how would Optimus react to the idea that he killed his teammate, his best friend? The awkward silence was starting to grow, reaching across the border that marks it as suspicion. Finally, Arcee spoke up, "Ratchet will be back. During our mission to bring you home, he patrolled the outside of the mine, using some device to block out transmissions from the mine to the _Nemesis_ and vice versa to provide cover. Right now he's disabling the system and making sure no Decepticons follow us."

Unlike everyone else, Arcee was a smooth liar. Well, as long as her archenemy Arachnid wasn't around threatening Jack. Anyway, Optimus replied, "Very well. Have you informed him of your success?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll look forward to seeing Ratchet again."

Everyone breathed a silent collective sigh of relief. Optimus totally bought the lie.

Five minutes later, Jack and Agent Fowler returned, and Arcee silently and secretly briefed both of them that Optimus does not know where Ratchet is, and there cover story for now is that Ratchet was patrolling the mine and blocking any Decepticon signals, and he should be back soon.

"You can't hide this from him forever. He has to find out sometime," Agent Fowler whispered.

"Yes, but not now just when we got Optimus back. When the lie can no longer work, we'll tell him."

"He'll feel a lot of guilt, you know?" Agent Fowler said.

"And we'll be there for him," Jack answered for Arcee. "But for now, let's join the party." Jack motioned to the makeshift celebration of Optimus's return.

"Alright then," Fowler replied.

Optimus was never one for partying. As Orion Pax, he didn't go to many parties do to his status as middle class, and when he did, he felt awkward, never knowing anyone and always afraid of saying the wrong things. As Optimus Prime, the war left too many scars for any joyous celebration. Partying was just never his thing. But tonight, he could make an exception. He was finally home with not just his teammates but his friends who went through hell and back to find him, restore him, and bring him home. How could he not join in their joyous celebration? The only thing that would make this better would be if Ratchet were here. Then again, shouldn't Ratchet be back home now?

"Bulkhead, has Ratchet called yet?"

"Uhhh," Bulkhead stammered, trying to think of a lie. Then a light bulb lit up. "He called Agent Fowler while he was with Jack five minutes ago. Fowler told me that Ratchet will be back at base tomorrow. The device or whatever it's really called screws up his life signal so we can pinpoint his exact occasion to GroundBridge him back, and it's too dangerous for him to go back to the mine to GroundBridge him. Also, he says thinks he's spot some Vehicon jets. "

"Tell Fowler to keep in contact with Ratchet and tell Ratchet to not engage any Decepticon."

"You got it, boss." When Optimus left, Bulkhead sighed in relief and hunted Fowler down to relay Optimus's orders.

Soon Optimus found himself with a very excited Miko. "So what's it like knowing that you worked for the Decepticons?"

Truthfully, Optimus felt like a traitor even though it was not his fault, but he did not want to evoke pity or feel weak in front of the children so he said, "I have no recollection of working for the Decepticons so I cannot say how I feel, but I just hope that I did not cause any harm to the human race or my fellow Autobots." The last part was true enough. Optimus truly did hope this, and something in the back of his mind told him something wasn't right.

"Well, uh, you're here now. As an Autobot, I mean, protecting the world and kicking Decepticon butt!" Miko nervously said. _If only he knew_, she thought.

Then Raf joined them. "Yeah, you have no idea how awesome it is to know that you remember us. I'm sure when Ratchet, ummm, comes back, he'll be glad to see you as yourself."

"I'm sure he would although I'm worried about him. I wish I could contact him or at least send back up!"

"Well, it's like Ratchet said: it's too long of a drive, and circumstances prevent Groundbridging him back. Also, we can't track his signal," Raf nervously said.

"But Ratchet will be alright. He may be grouchy, but he's hardcore," Miko said.

"You are right, but still, I worry for my teammate's safety," Optimus said, and the kids left it at there. Optimus could not help but feel suspicious of the two, and not just them, but at Bulkhead and Arcee. They're hiding something. The story seems plausible but questionable. What exactly is this device Ratchet is using? And wouldn't have an actual name rather than simply "device"? Also, when Miko, Bulkhead, and Raf told Optimus where Ratchet is, he could not help but think back when the kids covered for Jack's racing excursion, and he knew Bulkhead was a pretty bad liar. Arcee sounded believable, but she's a good liar, and her story matched the others so they could be doing a worse job of telling the cover story. However, Optimus gave his team the benefit of the doubt and didn't pursue his doubt. If Ratchet didn't show up tomorrow then regardless of the danger or how long, he'll be driving out to back up his friend.

* * *

><p><strong>The Next Day<strong>

Optimus awoke from his recharge to a still Ratchet-less base. The others were still in there recharge, but when Optimus checked Ratchet's room for any sign of him, he wasn't there. Then again, Ratchet usually is the first one up. Perhaps he's in his workstation. Optimus decided to inspect there, but to his dismay, Ratchet wasn't there. Optimus couldn't help it but feel that there was something very wrong with Ratchet. He needed to find his friend quickly before any harm comes to him. Optimus decided to track Ratchet, but when he did, Ratchet's signal wouldn't come up. _That's funny_, Optimus thought. _Ratchet's signal is gone. It's showing up as if Ratchet were dead. No! That can't be! Of course not. Bulkhead said that Ratchet was using some device to block out the Decepticons' signals which happened to block out Ratchet's, and Raf told me how when I was Orion Pax, my signal didn't appear. Perhaps this is the reason why Ratchet's life signal is gone._ Still some speck of doubt lingered in the back of his mind. He would like to go drive to Ratchet's location, but he didn't know where that is, and besides, he would need backup from the others.

An hour later, the others arrived. "Mornin'," they said.

Optimus nodded in acknowledgement. "Bulkhead, do you know when Ratchet will be back?"

"Uhhhh, I don't know." He looked to the others for help.

"Sometime this evening," Arcee lied.

"Hmmm, okay," Optimus said, feeling slightly suspicious but nonetheless hopeful.

Hours past and Ratchet had not arrived. Optimus expected this since he trusted his team, but he could not help but feel worried about Ratchet. Actually, more than worried, he felt like there was something wrong with Ratchet. Whenever Optimus asked about Ratchet Bulkhead, Arcee, and Bumblebee acted uneasy and tried to assure him that Ratchet was coming back soon. Come to think of it, he remembered mentioning how worried he was for Ratchet to Miko and Raf last night, and they looked uneasy and nervous like the time when they lied to him about not knowing where the others were during Jack's little race excursion. Could something bad have happened to Ratchet while he was away? What exactly did happen when he was a Decepticon?

Actually, the mere fact that he doesn't remember the past three months seems wrong. He may not be a medic, but in his mind it just doesn't add up. He understood why he lost his memories when he unleashed the Matrix of Leadership. The Matrix is what made him a Prime. Losing the Matrix meant losing his status of Prime which meant losing the person he became as a Prime, including his memories. But the reverse shouldn't have happened. Becoming a Prime doesn't make one lose their memories as a pre-Prime, so why did becoming a prime again made Optimus lose his memories as Orion on the _Nemesis_? Maybe, Optimus is thinking this the wrong way. He still remembers life as Orion Pax before Primus installed the Matrix of leadership in him so maybe the Matrix of Leadership refilled the void in which it caused? But if that were the case, it shouldn't have wiped out his Decepticon memories. He was always Orion Pax. That's who he was born as. Optimus Prime was what he became through a god not himself. You can't wipe out who you are. So why can't Optimus remember anything during those three months? Who knows? Repressed memories maybe? When Ratchet comes back, he'll ask.

Evening came, and still there was no sign of Ratchet. Optimus tried to commlink him, but he couldn't get a signal. Not even static. _How is it that the others can contact him, but I can't? Something's not right. If one's life signal is cloaked, then you can't commlink them. Someone's not telling the truth or at least not all of it. _What concerned him more was the lack of concern for Ratchet on his teammates' faces. Maybe it's because it they're expecting him to arrive any minute so they're not worried, but they seem all too casual. Optimus should relax, but he couldn't he was on edge. The whole commlink thing proved it. Something was wrong, but he'll wait till after evening to confront his teammates. He was fooled once. He won't be fooled twice.

Evening passed, and the sky turned black. Ratchet had not come home yet. Now enough was enough. Optimus needed to know, but he needed to do it right.

"Arcee, Bulkhead, Bumblebee, Ratchet has not arrived yet, and since there is no way to contact him or know his precise location, we must search for him the old fashion way."

"Listen, Optimus," Arcee began to say. "Ratchet will be back. Just give him some time."

"Yeah, doc bot can handle himself," Bulkhead said, hoping to avoid the bombshell.

Optimus shook his head. "I do not believe that. Your lack of concern for your teammate is appalling, but I believe there's something you three are hiding in reference to Rachet."

_**"What do you mean?" **_Bumblebee beeped.

"You three and Raf and Miko act nervous and uneasy when I mentioned Ratchet's name. You show a lack of concern towards Ratchet and a lack of drive in finding him and making sure he's alright. You and Agent Fowler were able to commlink him, and I can't. But most of all, you claim that his life signal is hidden, but you and Agent Fowler have no trouble contacting him. If a Transformer's life signal is cloaked, then commlinking them is impossible. I tried it, but I received no response. Not even static. So my question is, where's Ratchet?"

Bulkhead, Arcee, and Bumblebee just stared at each other. There was no fooling Prime and telling another lie is useless. They had no choice but to tell him the bitter truth. Arcee spoke up. "Optimus, Ratchet's dead."

Optimus stumbled forth. "What?" Ratchet? His best friend? Dead? He couldn't believe it. No that's impossible! "How?"

Silence.

"Arcee, tell me."

Silence.

"Arcee! I must know. Who killed Ratchet?"

Arcee sighed. "You did."


	8. What I've Done

**This was originally ****going to be longer, but I decided to split into two, to carry out Optimus's agony and dilemna. Enjoy. Disclaimer: I don't own show or song**

* * *

><p><em>"So let mercy come<br>And wash away  
>What I've done<em>

_I'll face myself_  
><em>To cross out what I've become<em>  
><em>Erase myself<em>  
><em>And let go of what I've done"<em>

- "What I've Done" by: Linkin Park

It felt like the base dropped to freezing point in less than a second as Arcee words seem to explode in Optimus's auditory receptors. Ratchet killed by his hands? It couldn't be true. No, it just couldn't! "W-What?" Optimus stammered never in his life as a Prime had he ever felt so shocked, so scared.

"You killed Ratchet," Arcee repeated calmly. "It wasn't your fault. You had amnesia, and Megatron must have manipulated you into thinking Ratchet was your enemy, probably as bad as Megatron is to you now."

"N-No. That's impossible! Even if that were the case, I would never kill Ratchet," Optimus reasoned, or at least tried to. He couldn't have his best friend's energon on his hands. It's unnatural. It's wrong.

"We thought so, too, but the damage to Ratchet's spark chamber coincides with your sword. Trust me, Ratchet's wound wasn't caused by Megatron's sword."

"Where's Ratchet now? I want to see for myself!" Optimus demanded. He won't believe Arcee. He just can't.

Bulkhead spoke up, "In the backroom. You know the one where you decided that it would be a tomb in case we offline? We, uh, held a funeral for Ratchet and placed him there."

Optimus barely listened after "In the backroom." He rushed past Bulkhead and Arcee, optics only focused on the room at the end of the hallway. There it held his best friend whose wound will confirm who the true killer was. Optimus could only pray to Primus that it was not him. He didn't know how he could go on in life, knowing that he killed a fellow Autobot, and not just any Autobot but his best friend.

Optimus punched in the security code and barely waited for the door to fully open before rushing inside. There he saw the dreaded sight: Ratchet lying cold and still on the cot. He slowly and cautiously approached his dead friend. If Transformers could cry, tears would be streaming down Optimus's face. He gently rubbed Ratchet's forehead and caressed his left hand. "Ratchet, old friend," his voice choked. Then he saw the wound ended Ratchet's life, obviously caused by a sword. It was the moment of truth. Optimus gently took a look inside, praying to Primus that it was Megatron's doing not his. Then Optimus observed the damage like a medic would. (Ratchet would be proud.) Optimus noticed how the wound went straight through Ratchet. He shuddered to think of the pain his old friend endured before death. Then he noticed the two straight grooves on opposite sides of the wound. The size of the wound wouldn't be that small if the grooves were caused by the pointed ends of Megatron's sword nor would they run all the way down which means…

Optimus fell on his knees.

He killed Ratchet.

"No," Optimus whispered out of pure shock. "W-What have I done?" His voice began to rise. "Ratchet! I'm sosorry, old friend." And for the first time ever since perhaps his first kill, Optimus broke down, and it was worse than anything else before. He may have killed other Transformers and felt remorse but ultimately it boiled down to self-defense, and they were never his closest friends. He may have lost his brother within Megatron but that was Megatron's own doing not his. This time he killed an Autobot – _his best friend_ – and knowing that Ratchet probably wouldn't have fought back, he most likely – no, knew – he killed Ratchet in cold blood, and it was one hundred percent his fault that he lost Ratchet. How can the Matrix of Leadership choose to restore his status as a Prime knowing that he had Ratchet's energon on his hands? No, forget that! How can he live with himself when he killed Ratchet and now the guilt is sucking his spark like a black hole? Borderline impossible!

"Optimus?" The gentle voice of Arcee called out behind him. He ignored her, preferring the silence of his shock and guilt.

Apparently, Arcee wasn't alone as Bulkhead gently asked, "Hey, boss, are you okay?"

It was a dumb question. He killed his best friend! How can he be okay? He knew Bulkhead was trying to be comforting, to be here for him like friends should so Optimus didn't blow up in Bulkhead's face or elaborated his thoughts on how stupid that question was. Instead, without answering any of them, he turned around and walked between Arcee and Bulkhead, heading for the main room where Ratchet worked.

Where Ratchet _used _to work.

Standing in front of the entrance to the long and twisted underground driveway that June uses or they would use if their missions were in driving distance and were not urgent, Optimus transformed into a Peterbilt 379 truck.

_**"Where are you going?" **_Bumblebee beeped.

"For a very long drive. I don't know where exactly," Optimus answered, his voice tired and heavy. His burden of guilt was pressing down upon him hard. It was only a matter of time before his body began to dent from too much pressure. The drive will help him ease some of that pressure. Hopefully.

By this time, Arcee and Bulkhead arrived. "Arcee," Optimus said, "you are in charge until I get back. Stay here and do not commlink me unless it's an emergency. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I'll be nearby."

Before Arcee could protest, Optimus sped away down the twisted driveway. Each twist and turn resembled the guilt suffocating his spark's light and his sorrow drowning out the electric fire of his spark. It mocked him as it manifested Optimus's newborn demons. All he wanted to do was get out of this cursed driveway. Even better, he should blast it into rubble and rebuild it into something straight maybe. Maybe he should ask Ratchet to…

_Oh yeah_, Optimus corrected his thoughts. _That's right. Ratchet's offline. I terminated him. _Maybe instead of blasting the driveway, he should blast himself instead. Even better he should terminate himself right in the spark with the same sword that he used to terminate Ratchet. Poetic justice. If only he could do it, but his remaining team along with Earth, humanity and the rest of the Autobots need him. Now if he could find a successor…

The end of this tunnel was approaching. Optimus didn't know where he'll go, but he has a suspicion. The Orion Pax inside of him remembers what he can't but knows it's true: killing Ratchet. He can feel Orion subconsciously urging him, leading him to go to the sight of Ratchet's demise. So as soon as Optimus drove into the open desert, he knew exactly where to go.


	9. Rage like a Storm

**Here you go. Now you really get to see how Optimus reacts. Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or the songs**

* * *

><p>"<em>Can you hear me cry out to you?<br>Words I thought I'd choke on, figure out  
>I'm really not so with you anymore I'm just a ghost<br>So I can't hurt you anymore, so I can't hurt you anymore!"_

- "This is How I Disappear" by: My Chemical Romance

For a Peterbilt 379 truck, Optimus drove _fast_. There was no rush really. It wasn't like there's a Decepticon or MECH attack up ahead. No, Optimus drove fast because he felt like if he didn't show up to the scene of his crime in time, something bad will happen – a second chance will slip from his servos – but the fatser Optimus drove, the longer it seemed to be taking. Perhaps it's just him. There's nothing there but the ghost of his guilt and evil deed and Ratchet's dried up energon somewhere under the sand.

However, the anxiety was killing him, and Optimus really needed something to distract himself. Agent Fowler once said that he seemed like a Nashville kind of guy. Optimus later learned that it meant that he seemed like he could be into country music, particulary produced in Nashville, Tennessee. Optimus decided to give the music a try even though he didn't know which songs specifically were produced in Nashville so Optimus just scrolled through any country station.

_"…Gone like a '59 Cadillac/Like all the good things that ain't never coming back…"_

Change station.

_"…I don't know what to say, it's a twist of fate when it all broke down/And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now…"_

Change station.

_"…But I just placed a rose on his grave, and I talked to the wind/But I don't know why they say grown men don't cry…"_

Change station.

_"…Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now/This can't be happening to me/This is just a dream…"_

Prime turned off the radio. It was no use. Each song so far seemed to sound from his spark, echoing the grief. Prime wistfully thought of listening to one of those heavy metal songs Miko loves so much but decided against it. They would just give him a processor-ache.

It was only a fifteen minute drive and as soon as Optimus pulled into Ground zero, guilt and sorrow assaulted his spark. He transformed and observed the area. It was wide open space a few miles off road. There a few large plateaus in the distance, but mostly, it was nothing but sand. However, there was a small plateau only seventy feet away from where Optimus stood. Something about that small plateau called to him so Optimus walked over to it. He knelt down and felt the sand in front of it. Picking up large servo-fuls and letting it cascade through his servos. Optimus watched it as if he were trying to find some kind of secret treasure buried in the sand. Optimus dug deeper in the sand and repeated the same motion. As he observed, he realized some of the sand was tinted blue. _That's odd, _Optimus thought, _I don't believe that sand was ever blue. _Then it hit him. The sand was tinted blue by Ratchet's energon. Energon that Optimus caused to leak from his friend's body. If he were human, he would shiver at the horrifying realization, but he couldn't. All could he do was stare at the energon tainted sand. And then it came, hitting him like a thousand energon blades all aimed for his spark and ripping right through his armor. He remembered every word that was said between him and Ratchet, every blast, every accusation, and worst of all, the stabbing of his energon blade right through Ratchet's spark. It went _right through _Ratchet's armor. Optimus could see right through the hole. How could he do that to his best friend? And worst of all, Ratchet was telling Optimus the truth, but Optimus didn't even listen to Ratchet, didn't even let Ratchet have a few minutes to tell Optimus his side of the story. No, Optimus was that kind of a friend who couldn't even do that. As fate would have it, every word Ratchet said was true, and every belief Optimus was lead to believe as Orion was wrong, and still Optimus murdered Ratchet. Of course, looking back, he knew that. Still, he hated himself for that. He hated himself for everything he did to Ratchet.

"You should have killed me, Ratchet," Optimus said solemnly. "When I had you pinned down, ready to give the final blow, you could have severely injured or killed me, saving your life. You were just too slaggin' good to trade my life for yours. You had to let me kill you, and I don't even deserve to live right now. Maybe you should have been Prime instead."

Optimus's solemnity and sorrow manifested into pure rage, rage he never experienced except when he though Ratchet betrayed him. "This is all Megatron's fault! _He's_ the one who told me that you destroyed Cybertron. _He's _the one who told me that you and the rest of the Autobots held me captive! _He's _the one who twisted my spark and mind into believing that you brainwashed and betrayed me when all this time it was _Megatron _who betrayed me and fed me lies! And you took the fall for it! I may have used the sword, but Megatron was the one who was ultimately responsible for your death, old friend, and I will _kill him _for you, Ratchet, in the exact same way I killed you. This I vow with all my spark."

Then, to release further steam, Optimus punched the plateau with all the strength in the fist. He kept pounding it mercilessly as if training himself for when he faced Megatron himself. All he could think of was Ratchet's sparkless body lying on the tomb, Ratchet's spilt energon on the sand, and Megatron's face. Optimus let out a roar. His mood darkening as the sky was darkening above him. And when his hands were so severely dented that it hurt to touch, he took a servo-ful of a rocks and threw them as far as he could. Optimus's rage was smothered for now, and he calmed down considerably, calm enough to think clearly.

_You have no one but yourself to blame, Orion Pax, _the voice of Alpha Trion echoed in Optimus's processor.

Normally, Optimus would be concerned, but he figured that it was the Wisdom of the Primes speaking to him through the Matrix of Leadership. That and he was probably too emotionally distressed to think things clearly. It was most likely a combo of the two.

_What do you mean? Megatron twisted my mind and spark into believing Ratchet was my betrayer. If Megatron didn't do that, then I wouldn't have killed Ratchet, _Optimus counter argued in his mind.

_Ha! You killed the Transformer whom you care the most about like I killed the Transformer whom I cared the most about, and you were closer to Ratchet than I was to Solus Prime. You're eviler than me_, the voice Megatronus Prime echoed inside Optimus's processor.

_I didn't realize that Ratchet was telling the truth. Otherwise, I wouldn't have killed him. I am nothing like you!_

_Oh really? Ratchet's murder was predetermined. Solus Prime's murder was a crime of passion. You planned to kill your best friend without a second thought or even a consideration for Ratchet's side of the story. You're worse than me. Maybe you should have taken on my name and not your other friend Megatron._

Optimus took a swing at nothing. _SHUT UP!_

_Megatronus is right in a way, Optimus Prime, _Alpha Trion said telepathically, _Megatron may have twisted your mind and spark into believing the wrong things, but you planned out Ratchet's murder; you planned out vengeance! Something that is dishonorable and a betrayal of your own moral code. A code that you possessed even before you were made a Prime, a code that Primus was impressed by and saw fit to make you Prime. Your actions are a result of betrayal to yourself._

_Maybe you're better off serving Unicron, _Megatronus taunted.

Optimus was on his knees clutching his head with both his servos. "SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!" He was getting a processor-ache from the voices in his head, but most of all, they were right. He planned out Ratchet's murder. Murder was never him – Orion Pax or Optimus Prime – and it was the worst crime on Cybertron, the preplanned murder of a dear friend or loved one regardless of what they done. Optimus would have been executed had he lived on Cybertron. This was his fault, or at least part of it. He and Megatron are guilty of Ratchet's murder.

_Does it hurt? To realize that you are guilty of the murder of your best friend? Makes you want to rip out the Matrix of Leadership from your chassis and shoot yourself now, does it?_ Megatronus sadistically asked.

_I am disappointed in your actions, Orion Pax, _Alpha Trion said disappointedly.

_Just get out of my head! _And with that they did, but the battle in Optimus's mind was far from over. His previous rage rekindled but with new aim. Optimus was now furious at himself. He had only himself to blame. He let vengeance consume his spark and planned out the murder of an innocent mech. Had he just let Ratchet tell his side of the story and listened to him, maybe Ratchet would still be alive. Optimus let out a feral scream. Lightning lit up the sky, and thunder echoed in response. It was just like the storm on the day Ratchet died. _Good, _Optimus thought, _let there be a storm on the day I realized my grave mistake just like the one on the day I committed my gravest mistake._ Optimus got up from his knees, raging energy fueling him.

"Oh Primus, I'm so sorry, Ratchet! Words can't express how sorry I am for killing you ruthlessly and without a second thought!" Optimus screamed to the sky, hoping for an answer from Ratchet. All he got was the sound of thunder's angry cry in reply. Thunder had witnessed Ratchet's brutal murder at Optimus's hands, and now it was giving it a piece of its mind in the most menacing sounds possible.

Lightning flashed and Optimus dropped to his knees. "Oh, what have I done?" Optimus moaned. Thunder roared as if to say "You fucking killed your best friend, you slagging glitch-head!" Optimus cocked his right servo into an ion cannon and blasted it into the sky as if to make a statement against thunder's accusations. Optimus retransformed his right servo. "At least I can't hurt you anymore, Ratchet! You're safe in the Well of Allsparks! I can only hurt myself, and I deserve every agonizing second of it!" Optimus got back up again.

Lightning danced around him, fueling Optimus's rage. "You know you should have killed me when you had the chance! I deserved it! If I was on Cybertron, I would have been executed! I deserve death! I deserve to go to the Pit not the Well of Allsparks! I deserve every minute of Unicron's torture!"

A chorus of thunder roared overhead Optimus as if to shout "To the Pit with you!" Then Optimus did the unthinkable. He transformed his right servo – the same servo that took Ratchet's spark – into the cursed sword. With his left hand, Optimus tore out the sword, pulling on vital energon lines and severly damaging his right servo. Optimus screamed in agony but felt it was justified, and the task needed to be done.

When the torture ended, Optimus raised the severed sword in the stormy sky. "You see this, Ratchet? This is the sword that I used to take your spark! It's stained with your energon! Well, it's ripped from my arm, and it won't harm another Autobot again! And if I die from the energon loss caused by ripping out this sword, then so be it!"

With that, lightning shot from the sky and connected the sky to Optimus's sword, treating it like a lightning rod. The sword shot up with electricity, and Optimus writhed in pain with the electrical current frying each of his circuits without care. It was worse than being electrocuted with Knock Out's energon prod. The energon prod wasn't lethal, but the voltage from the lightning was enough to offline Optimus.

And as Optimus's vision blurred and his body began to fall, all Optimus could say was, "Unicron, take me to the pit."

* * *

><p><strong>Personally, I don't see Optimus guilty, but that's just part of the story<strong>

**Songs used**

"…_Gone like a '59 Cadillac/Like all the good things that ain't never coming back…" _– "Gone" by: Montgomery Gentry

"…_I don't know what to say, it's a twist of fate when it all broke down/And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now…"_ – "Story of Us" by: Taylor Swift

"…_But I just placed a rose on his grave, and I talked to the wind/But I don't know why they say grown men don't cry…" _– "Grown men Don't Cry" by: Tim McGraw

"…_Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now/This can't be happening to me/This is just a dream…"_ – "Just A Dream" by: Carrie Underwood


	10. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

**I decided that since I'll be going away for two weeks, I will be kind and update this for you. Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or "Savior"**

* * *

><p>"<em>So tell me now<em>

_If this ain't love then how do we get out?_

_Because I don't know_

_That's when she said I don't hate you, boy_

_I just want to save you while there's still something left to save_

_That's when I told her I love you, girl_

_But I'm not the answer for the questions you still have" _

- "Savior" by: Rise Against

After half an hour or maybe an hour, Optimus slowly opened his optics to the sandy desert where he had unleashed his fury at himself and the darkening sky. For a minute, Optimus thought he had just woke up from stasis locked caused by that lightning bolt, but then he heard a sound he thought he would never hear in his lifetime.

"Orion, please! Listen to me. You're not a Decepticon. Megatron has been lying to you!"

"Ratchet?" Optimus said softly to himself and looked up only to see a living, electromagnetic pulse beating Ratchet not too far away from him. Optimus was overjoyed to see his dead friend; his happiness overcompensated the shock that he was now offlined. But then he remembered that line Ratchet had one said, and then saw himself standing across from Ratchet, poised and ready to attack.

"_You lie!_" doppelganger Optimus said with spewing hatred. "_You _kept me captive while you destroyed Cybertron. I vowed to Lord Megatron stop you and the Autobots at whatever cost, and now that you're here, that's exactly what I will do now."

Optimus remembered this scene. It was the day he killed Ratchet, but why was he literally reliving this moment? Perhaps, he truly is offline, and this is what the Pit is like – to relive your worst memories. "Hello?" Optimus said to the two mechs before him, hoping to get their attention, but Ratchet and doppelganger Optimus didn't see or hear him. "Hello!" Optimus said louder but to no avail. _It appears that I am like a ghost – or whatever the humans call them – here. I can see and hear them, but they cannot see and hear me, _Optimus deduced. Could he touch them? Will they feel it? Optimus would rather not find out as Orion Pax (as Optimus now calls his doppelganger in this memory) began to attack Ratchet.

Optimus watched helplessly as Ratchet refused to fight back only dodge Orion's attempts of offlining him with his sword. The only comfort Optimus has is that Ratchet was a better fighter when Optimus was Orion Pax. He watched as Orion Pax grew weary of attempting to stab Ratchet. Ratchet was obviously quick enough to dodge despite being twice his age. Orion Pax resorted to his other weapon and transformed his left servo into an ion-cannon and began blasting at Ratchet. Ratchet quickly maneuvered out of the way and dodged the blasts. "Please, Orion, please try and remember!"

Optimus prayed to Primus that this memory wasn't really a memory but a dream based on a memory so Orion Pax could remember the truth of Ratchet's words and not end up killing Ratchet, but after hearing Orion Pax call Ratchet a traitor and a liar, Optimus was completely convinced that this was Unicron's domain so prayers to Primus wouldn't work and painful memories will not be distorted to have happy endings.

Orion fired at Ratchet, and Optimus watched as his younger self overcame with rage like never before. Orion was like a force that could rival Unicron at his worst. Optimus never knew that he had that capability. Even when Megatron severed ties with him and tried to kill him one way or another, Optimus never felt blinding rage only a deep sorrow and an undying, flickering of hope.

"Orion, I would never do that to you!" Ratchet pleaded as Optimus watched with heavy sorrow as Ratchet was forced to dodge blasts _from his own ion cannon_ just to stay alive. Optimus applauded Ratchet's refusal to fight back but wished he did so Ratchet may live, and he will be spared killing his best friend.

Finally, Optimus couldn't take seeing himself trying to kill his best friend. "Please, Orion, he's telling the truth! I know because you are me!" It was stupid. Optimus knew. Orion and Ratchet can't hear him, but Optimus felt like he had to do _something_.

Optimus watched in horror as Orion charged at Ratchet full speed and tackled him to the ground, and pinned Ratchet down. Thunder roared overhead. Optimus was about to relive the worst part of his worst nightmare. "I'm gonna end this once and for all," Orion said menacingly and determinedly. Optimus never knew he was capable with such hatred and menace, especially towards his best friend.

"Ratchet, get up!" Optimus uselessly screamed. "Fight back! Do something! I don't care if you kill me in the process. I want you to if it would save you! Trust me, the guilt I feel makes life hardly worth living."

But Ratchet didn't get up or fight back. This was just a repeated memory Optimus was being forced to relive. Ratchet was already dead. And when Optimus saw Orion raise his sword, aimed at Ratchet's spark, Optimus got up and ran without thinking, without questioning the illogicalness of his actions. Instead he threw his body over Ratchet, surprised that he could touch him after all, but he didn't dwell on it. All that mattered was protecting Ratchet from himself. Optimus realized that there may be hope afterall. If he could touch Ratchet, then Orion should be able to touch Optimus. Orion will end up killing Optimus not Ratchet afterall! Suicide never sounded so sweet!

Thunder rolled overhead, and Optimus could hear Ratchet's whisper of "Goodbye, old friend." Could Ratchet feel Optimus's weight on top of him?

"Goodbye, too, Ratchet. I'm so sorry, but this should make it up," Optimus whispered to Ratchet sadly. Optimus closed his eyes, waiting for the sword to rip through his armor.

Instead, all he felt was a servo grip his wrist and jerk him off Ratchet. Optimus opened his eyes and watched as Orion offlined Ratchet. "NOOOOOOOO!" Optimus screamed. He was so slaggin' close to saving Ratchet! He turned around to see who was the one responsible for ruining his attempt to save Ratchet. Optimus was going to give them a slaggin' piece of his mind.

"What the slag?! I was this close to saving Ratchet when you…Ratchet?" Optimus was shocked to see the smiling face of Ratchet looking down upon him. Optimus looked behind him to see if the offlined Ratchet was still there, but all he saw was his old room back on Cybertron where he made Ratchet promise not to betray him. There was so sign of a fight anywhere. Optimus looked back at Ratchet. "H-How?"

"I'm the real Ratchet. That Ratchet along with Orion was just a memory and nothing else," Ratchet explained. Optimus got up and seized Ratchet and pulled him into a fierce hug. Ratchet returned the hug.

"Primus, Ratchet, I'm so, so sorry. If only I had listened to you, this never would have happened," Optimus tearfully apologized.

"Opimus, I forgave you as soon as you drew fire on me. I knew Megatron took advantage of your amnesia and manipulated you," Ratchet said. They broke the hug.

"It wasn't just manipulation. It's never in my nature – whether I am Orion Pax or Optimus Prime – to attack a friend or enemy so ruthlessly like that, especially if they didn't do anything to provoke me. I'd let my emotions get the best of me, and I acted purely on a desire for revenge."

"It doesn't matter. I still forgive you," Ratchet said.

"How can you forgive me so easily? Ratchet, I fraggin' killed you! It was a combination of manipulation and desire for vengeance. Alpha Trion and Megatronus are right: I'm worse than Megatron! I shouldn't even be alive!" Optimus screamed. He looked at both his servos. "Your energon is on my servos, and no matter how much I can redeem myself, it's never coming off, and it doesn't change the fact that you're dead. You should hate me."

"Optimus, if I truly still hate you, I wouldn't have pulled you out of harm's way from Orion Pax's sword. If I hadn't you would have died," Ratchet calmly explained.

"I'm not offline? Then where am I?" Optimus asked.

"You're not dead. You walk that fine line that separates life from death. Had you been killed while walking this line, you would have crossed that line and joined the Well of the AllSparks. I'm already dead, but right now, you need to make a choice. You can't stay here forever. But before you make your choice, you need to hear me out. I can forgive you so easily because you are my friend and you weren't thinking clearly, but the primary reason is that I've been in your place before."

"What do you mean?"

"Every time I fail to save a comrade, every time I cannot completely repair them like Bumblebee, I blame myself. I feel that guilt and the gnawing thought of 'I could have done more to save them'. Their offline faces haunt me in my dreams, and each time I wake up, I feel like a failure."

"But you're not a failure, Ratchet. The lives you save far outweigh the lives you failed to save. Without you, we would all have been dead a long time ago!"

"You're not a medic, Optimus. Medics fight on a whole other battlefield. We fight with the sole purpose of saving lives not killing lives. Any life we fail to save is like an ion blast to the spark. It's a completely different feeling – a more personal one – from fighting decepticons to protect someone or something you care about. Being a medic, to me, is more awarding than being a warrior, but the guilt is a whole lot worse." Ratchet let his words sink through Optimus's processors. "However, there is one face that stands out."

"Who?"

"My sparkmate Redstar."

"I remember Redstar. I've only seen her once or twice when you've introduced me to her," Optimus recalled.

"Well, there's a reason. She was offlined, and it was all my fault in more ways than one. In Kaon, a team of field medics were dispersed to find injured Autobots and repair them. Redstar and I partnered up in hopes that are combined medical knowledge would save more lives. We came under siege by five Decepticon warriors. There was no way out, and our communications were jammed so Redstar and I had no choice but to fight the Decepticons. It was a long battle, but Redstar and I managed to hold our ground. Then one Decepticon was busy fighting Redstar, and I could see that he was overpowering her. I ran to help her. The Decepticon had his back towards me so I planned on killing him without him even realizing what hit him. Well, one of his teammates let out a warning cry, and the Decepticon turned around using Redstar as a shield. It was too late to stop my movements, and I watched her face contorted in agony as I ripped through her spark. I was shocked. I immediately stopped fighting and focused all my energy into saving her. The Decepticons must have left because they never attacked us. I did everything I in my power to save her, but it was too late, and she slipped away. I never stopped blaming myself. And do you know what her last words were?"

"What?"

"'I love you,'" Ratchet answered. "'I love you' Can you believe that? I killed her, Optimus, and she still loves me! How is that even possible? I felt so guilty and unworthy of her love. I could never have understood her line of thinking. It would have been so much easier if she hated me. Then I finally understood her when I was about to be killed by you."

"What did you understand?"

"That in her eyes, it truly wasn't my fault. It was someone else's. The love she has for me outweighs the severity of what I've done, and I shouldn't blame myself. What I should be doing instead is living for her. I was finally able to forgive myself then. I didn't even believe that I deserve that kind of twist in fate. It was nothing but forgiveness and a feeling of self righteousness for allowing you to kill me if it meant that I could spare your life." A moment of peace overcame Ratchet. "Listen. I know how you feel. You feel an immeasurable amount of guilt, and you believe that you deserve my hatred when in reality I don't hate you, and you believe you deserve death when in reality, you don't deserve it. I was in your position once, but I can honestly say it's all wrong. You need to live if not for yourself but for me and for Arcee, Bulkhead, Bumblebee, Jack, Miko, Raf, and for all of the Autobots and humanity. That's my story, and there's my advice to go along with it, but it's your choice whether to die or to live. Regardless of what you choose, I forgive you and will think of nothing bad about you. Just think of the consequences should you choose to die. The results could have you feeling a whole lot worse than the feeling of guilt for my death."

Optimus let Ratchet's story sink in. He had no idea that his medic went through something like that and was suffering from so much guilt. Perhaps being a medic was harder than being a Prime. But Ratchet said he knew how Optimus felt, could Optimus truly understand how Ratchet feels now? Ratchet was finally able to forgive himelf. Can Optimus do that? More importantly, can he go on with his life knowing what he had done to Ratchet? Perhaps, this is something that will never go away until you experience the other side of the weapon. Maybe Optimus would truly be able to forgive himself if one of his teammates was possessed and killed him. Maybe only then will Optimus truly be able to forgive himself and understand Ratchet's position, but seeing as it will not happen, Optimus should choose death.

But what will happen to the Autobots and their human friends if he leaves them behind? Will they be able to go on without him? Could they survive? They had already lost him once, and he was sure that they didn't want to lose him again. But was Optimus really worthy of them, knowing he had killed their teammate?

He thought about each and every one of the Autobots under his command even Jack, Miko, and Raf. Bumblebee looked up to him like a father since Optimus, despite being in Bumblebee's life for only a short amount of time, was the only father figure in the young scout's life. Optimus had come to feel protective over the scout compared to his other teammates. Not only did Bumblebee view him as a father figure but Jack viewed Optimus as one as well. The boy's father abandoned him when he was only a teenager, and Jack looked up to him. Optimus saw his younger self in Jack, and if that boy was his son, he would be very proud. Jack risked his life to restore his memories. Optimus didn't want to let Jack down or see him come to harm.

With Arcee, Optimus had a special bond with. His sparkmate was Elita One, Arcee's sister, and when he lost her, he was devastated and so was Arcee. They bonded over their loved one's death, forming a close and deeply personal friendship. Arcee is Optimus's special friend and maybe even a bit more if only the war weren't in the way. When Cliffjumper died, Optimus wasn't just hurt by his comrade's death but the pain Arcee had to experience all over again. He longed to comfort her but knew no matter what he said, nothing could heal the pain in her spark. He was grateful that Jack could do the comforting for him.

Speaking of Cliffjumper, Optimus was amazed by Cliffjumper's bravery and his humorous take to fighting Decepticons. Cliffjumper was not only fearless but sarcastically witty. He enjoys taking on Decepticons and teasing them at the same time, and while Optimus does not believe in mocking one's own opponent, he does admire Cliffjumper's humorous take in even the grimmest situations. Cliffjumper was brave without a doubt. When Cliffjumper first arrived to Earth, he told Optimus of when he first heard Optimus's transmission to arrive to Earth. Optimus was very grateful that Cliffjumper refused to decode it and was amazed that Cliffjumper felt awed by it. And ever since then, up until Cliffjumper's death, Cliffjumper remained a skilled warrior, fiercely dedicated to the Autobot cause and steadfastly loyal to Optimus, to Arcee, and to his teammates. When Cliffjumper offlined, Optimus mourned Cliffjumper's death, going against Jazz's advice for the first time in eons, and was proud to be the one to eulogize the cattle-horned Autobot.

Miko was similar to Cliffjumper. She may not have six-cylinder ion cannons, but she did have Cliffjumper's fearlessness and a little bit of his sense of humor. Granted, Miko's fearlessness is a result of her naivety of the dangerous situation rather than Cliffjumper's being a fierce need to fight for a cause worth dying for, but no matter how many times Miko caused the Autobots (and Jack) panic attacks, Miko always made things a little bit brighter in Base even going as far to make Optimus laugh (to no avail but Optimus appreciated it). Miko brought team spirit, especially during Optimus's absence. Miko later confessed to Optimus that trying to encourage "a bunch of grumpy Ratchets" was pretty hard because Miko, herself, was afraid Optimus will never come back. Optimus was touched by Miko's confession and deeply appreciated her optimism during the Autobots' darkest hour.

Bulkhead always believed in Optimus. It was the exact reason why Bulkhead left the Wreckers to join Team Prime. None of the Wreckers believed in Optimus, claiming he doesn't know what real war is like and only talks but can't reinforce his words with action. Bulkhead saw different in Optimus and was never disappointed. Bulkhead even stood up for him against Wheeljack, his best buddy. Optimus never admitted, but Bulkhead was the reason that his confidence was still strong. With the war still being dragged on and their goal still incomplete, Optimus was beginning to wonder if the Wreckers were right. Bulkhead showed him that they were wrong.

Raf was the youngest, but he provided tech support for Ratchet. Optimus noticed a change in Ratchet when Raf hung around him. Ratchet grew friendlier and more patient, and Optimus was grateful for that. Optimus knew Raf viewed Ratchet like a father figure and aspired to be like him albeit friendlier. What Optimus never knew that Raf also admired Optimus for being kind-sparked and caring towards his teammates. Raf told him that he hopes to be a leader like him and protect those weaker from bullies. (Raf was always being bullied, giving him empathy for the weak and the defenseless.) Ever since then, Optimus aspired even harder to balance warrior and friend.

_Do they still think of me like that? _Optimus wondered. _They were so adamant of keeping the truth from me, perhaps to spare me the guilt and pain for a little longer. _Optimus knew that none of them blamed him. Do they still forgive him? Considering their behavior the night and the day after he got home, the answer is yes. Ratchet forgives him. Arcee forgives him. Jack, Miko, Raf, Bumblebee, Bulkhead forgives him, and if Cliffjumper were still alive, Optimus was sure Cliffjumper would forgive him. Could Optimus learn to forgive himself? Is it possible to do so without experiencing what it's like to be killed by a friend? And even if Optimus couldn't learn, could he dwell in the Well of Allsparks knowing he had abandoned his team, _his family, _to the darkness looming in the skies? No matter how guilty Optimus may feel, he cannot lose anymore family members whether it is to something or someone else or to his own sword and ion-cannon.

A light began to shine from the cracks of the door in his room. It shined so brightly, brighter than any sun, brighter than Primus's spark. Maybe that light can shine with in him. Maybe Optimus can learn to forgive. Maybe Optimus will always live with this guilt. It was probably impossible to remove it, but perhaps he can live with the knowledge that no matter what, his friends and family will always be there for him even if it's his fault one of them is dead, and just for that, how can Optimus leave them? The guilt will hurt, and it may always hurt, but perhaps there is hope for him. As long as his family stands by him and he will stand by them as well no matter what.

"Ratchet, once again. I am so sorry. Maybe, one day, if that day comes, I can forgive myself, but for now, my family on Earth needs me," Optimus said.

"I know they do. It will be hard. I know, but I will be there one step of the way, guiding you through this mess, but for now, do me a favor and keep them all healthy and safe," Ratchet said.

"I will," Optimus promised.

"Don't be afraid to find a new medic right away. You're not replacing me as a friend. You're only replacing me as a medic, and it's part of your promise to keep them all healthy. No matter what, I will always be your friend. I've still kept my promise."

"I haven't," Optimus lamented.

"Don't say that. You have been a good friend, and my death is not your fault. You'll only betray me if you abandon our teammates and disregard their safety and health. Please, live for me?"

"I will. I will end this war once and for all in your memory. Now this I vow with all my spark. Goodbye, old friend." Optimus embraced Ratchet.

Ratchet returned the embrace. "Goodbye and live strong, old friend."

They let go, and Optimus pushed a button to open his door. The bright, blinding white light greeted him, and shielding his optics, Optimus walked through.

Then there was nothing but darkness except for the persistent beeping of the electromagnetic pulse monitor.

And Optimus finally woke up inside the base, surrounded by concerned family members.

* * *

><p><strong>So was Optimus's battle on is he could forgive himself realistic? I'm not a therpaist, but I know there would be a lot of work when dealing with the guilt of accidenlty killing your friend, so I want your input to tell me if it's realistic or not. <strong>


	11. New Beginning

**It's been a while since I've updated. Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or "Bullet in My Hand".**

* * *

><p><em>"There's someone lookin' out for me<em>  
><em>I came out of the darkness<em>  
><em>With a bullet in my hand<em>  
><em>I got one more shot at livin'<em>  
><em>I'm lucky that I can<em>  
><em>Cause I got a little roughed up<em>  
><em>Yeah I really got fucked up<em>  
><em>I came out of the darkness<em>  
><em>With a bullet in my hand"<em>

- "Bullet in My Hand" by: Redlight King

Optimus rubbed his forehead. His processors felt like they were on fire. "Where am I?" he said groggily as he tried to get up.

He was stopped by Bulkhead. "Hold on, big guy, you're still recovering. You've been in stasis lock for a few days. Take it easy now, ok?"Optimus lied back down.

"You're back at base. You were struck by lightning, remember? I was watching the monitors when I saw your life signal go critical. Bulkhead and I Groundbridged to your location and found you in stasis lock. I brought you back. Luckily Ratchet taught Raf some Cybertronian medicine so we GroundBridged Raf to help us repair you. It's probably not the best job since none of us are medics, but at least you're conscious and stable," Arcee soothingly explained.

"Dude! We thought you were gonna die without Ratchet around to repair ya!" Miko shout rather loudly for Optimus's liking. Bulkhead shushed her.

"Thank you, all of you, especially you Raf." Raf, who was sitting on top of Bumblebee's shoulder, smiled with pride written all over his face. Bumblebee gave Raf a fist bump. Then a new thought came to Optimus's aching processors. "Do the children know?"

Bulkhead spoke up. "They knew that you kill…uh, you know, to Ratchet when we recovered his body. We told Raf that you were aware of your deed when he called him in to repair you. Once you injuries were fixed, Jack and Miko arrived and we told them what happened," Bulkhead explained.

"Do they –" Optimus was cut off.

"We don't blame you," Jack said firmly and reassuringly. "All three of us, including them, don't hold you at fault or hate you for what you've done." Miko and Raf shook their heads in approval of Jack's words.

"That's good," Optimus muttered under his breath. It felt good to say those words and actually mean them. Every time he wished his comrades hated him, it painfully sucked parts of his spark like a thousand black holes. Now Optimus felt some sort of serene feeling in spark like it was healing a little bit, bit by bit. It will be a long time before it could fully heal, but for now, it felt good.

"Now you need to rest," Raf said. Optimus was about to open his mouth in protest when Bumblebee stopped him.

_"No buts. It's Doc Raf's order. We need you to be in tip-top shape next time the 'Cons come attacking."_

Optimus nodded and fell into recharge.

* * *

><p>A week later, Optimus was given the clear. Although his teammates, especially Raf, did a good job at repairing him, but he knew that none of them would be able to a severely injured Autobot. He needed a new medic and soon, but he felt like he couldn't do that just yet. Not without paying his last respects to Ratchet.<p>

Optimus punched in the key code to the tomb room. There lied Ratchet as if he were in recharge except for the gaping wound in his spark chamber. Optimus closed the doors behind him. He wanted it to be just him and Ratchet. He somberly walked towards Ratchet's body. Optimus gently rubbed Ratchet's forehead. He sighed, thinking of the right words to say. Then he decided that he should start with a simple thank you. "Ratchet, I want to thank you for saving my life twice and all the times before it and not just physically. Your words and empathy have helped me to try and learn to forgive myself rather than wallow in self-blame and self-hatred." Optimus dimmed his optics in deep thought for a second. "I cannot forgive myself right now. I don't know if I'll ever, but I'll try to find that forgiveness. For you." Optimus stood there in respective silence for his fallen friend until words poured from his mouth. "I decided not to tell my team of my encounter with you in the Inbetween. I don't want them to think that it was caused by my damaged processors." Optimus chuckled. As an afterthought, he added, "You have taught Raf very well. He was the one who did the bulk of the work. That boy really does look up to you. I'm sure your death hit him the hardest." "Excluding me" was left out in the holy silence. Optimus didn't want to talk about his unknowing suicide attempt and guilt. Today was a time for happiness, for sharing memories.

For saying goodbye.

"But what I really want to say is that I miss you very much, old friend. I miss our time together during the mornings before everyone else is awake. I miss knowing that no matter what, you're always there to take away the pain and heal the injury. I don't know if I'll ever find a medic as skilled as you. I just don't know what to say except that I miss you. I can't say goodbye yet. It feels too final. I know you must be happy now. You are reunited with Redstar, and now you two will no longer be torn apart. I hope to find that kind of happiness one day. Remember the time I met Elita One, and you encouraged me to ask her out. You went on and on about the algorithms of how our similar ideals and personalities compute together, forming a perfect relationship. I told you that if math says it would work, I would ask Elita out. In reality, I just wanted you to shut up." Optimus chuckled. "It was the best thing you ever done for me. We became sparkmates. I guess math does work when it comes to love. It's a shame that the war took away Elita from me like the war took away Redstar from you. I wish you told me before. I could have helped you in your grief, but I guess it was better that you told me a week and a half ago.

"You were a true friend, Ratchet, truer than Megatron. Never once had you betrayed me. You were always there for me when I needed a friend rather than a medic. You supported and encouraged me in my times of doubt. You were by my side in my times of triumph. And without you, I would have been dead my times before. I realize now that you were more of a brother to me than Megatron ever was. I wish I could have told you that before.

"Now, old friend, all that's left is to say goodbye. I wish you well in the Well of Allsparks, old friend. Thank you for all that you have done for me, this team, Earth, and all of Cybertron. You will be dearly missed. Please tell Elita One and Cliffjumper that I said hi." Now feeling fulfilled, Optimus gave one last tender look at Ratchet and one last affectionate rub of Ratchet's forehead and left.

A light, happy feeling developed in Optimus's spark. _Perhaps it is possible to move on from the guilt forever._ Optimus smiled. Now it was time to find a new medic. But what should be the qualifications? Obviously, they need to be skilled in Cybertronian medicine, but Optimus learned from Ratchet that there is more to being a medic than just knowledge. Medics needed to be brave in the face of a patient's death, calm under pressure, strong to take death by the throat and fight for the patient's life, and most of all caring and compassionate. All of these qualities Ratchet possessed even if he did show his caring and compassionate side in strange ways. So after staring at the monitor wondering what to say, Optimus finally figured something out.

_"My name is Optimus Prime stationed here on Earth at these coordinates with a small team. We have lost our medic Ratchet, one of the greatest medics in all of Cybertron. His memory will live on and all that he stood for will not be in vain. Although Ratchet will be greatly missed, it is urgent that we get a new medic, but he or she cannot just be highly skilled and intelligent, he or she compassionate to those under his or her care, strong to overcome death, and brave to fight a battle for another's life. I await your arrival."_

Optimus coded it and sent the message into space.

* * *

><p><em>A month later<em>

Optimus approached the starship cautiously with his team following closely behind. He knew it was of Autobot origin. Actually, it belonged to First Aid, the new Autobot medic, who landed at the coordinates Optimus requested, but Optimus was still cautious just in case. The last time a new Autobot arrived on Earth, it turned out to be a Decepticon spy. Opitmus regretted that he was not on base when Makeshift infiltrated Autobot Outpost Omega One and took Miko hostage, but he was proud of his team's handeling of the situation. Still, Optimus did not want a repeat of that scenario.

Optimus observed the starship. He saw the Cybertronian symbols written on the side, claiming the starship's name as the _Heptaneon. _It was similar to the _Jackhammer _but not as high in military grade. The _Heptaneon _was more of a passenger (possibly dueled as an astro-medic starship) starship equipped with a couple of small laser cannons compared to the _Jackhammer_'s protective metal armor and small armada of weapons. The _Heptaneon _seemed like a starship Ratchet might have owned.

"Looks like it took some damage," Arcee commented. Optimus noticed some energon leaking on the ground. He walked around the starship to see the source of the leak – a large dent with a small hole, leaking with energon, and there was First Aid trying to fix the _Heptaneon _as if it were his own patient. He didn't even notice Team Prime standing there.

Before interrupting First Aid, Optimus observed the Autobot in his work. First Aid was primarily white with a red chest and back and blue servos, helm, and feet. He wasn't as bulky as Ratchet, but he wasn't slender like Arcee. He had a medium sized build like Bumblebee but with signs of a Cybertronian alternate mode. He seemed to be a few vorns younger than Arcee but older than Bumblebee. _He probably just graduated from medical school just when the war broke out, _Optimus thought.

"Come on, _Heptaneon_, stop leaking. I know it hurts, but if you don't stop leaking energon, you're not gonna fly anymore," First Aid talked to his starship.

"Talking to his starship as if it could feel pain and have a mind of its own like transformer? That's kinda weird," Bulkhead remarked. First Aid still did not notice Team Prime.

"Yeah, that's it. You're gonna be okay, little guy," First Aid continued talking to his starship.

"You're sure you want this guy, Optimus?" Arcee asked. She shared Bulkhead's feelings for First Aid.

Optimus was not weirded out. Instead, he was touched by the sense of empathy First Aid felt for his ship even though it could not feel for itself. If First Aid could show this much compassion for an object, then he must be extremely towards living things. So far Optimus liked what he was seeing. After watching First Aid work for a little bit, Optimus decided it was time to make his and his team's presence known the Autobot medic. He tapped First Aid's shoulder.

First Aid yelped in surprise and spun around to see Optimus Prime looking down upon him. First Aid peeked behind the Autobot leader to see three other Autobots, one of them he recognized as Bumblebee. First Aid remembered having to do an internship at the Youth Sectors for medical school and met Bumblebee when he was just a youngling a few vorns before adulthood. First Aid quickly got up. "Oh, sorry! I didn't see you guys there. I tend to get so absorbed in my work that I tune out everyone around me."

"Yeah, we noticed with the way you were talking to your starship," Bulkhead pointed out.

First Aid replied, "I can't help it but show a little kindness to even damaged inanimate objects. It's as if I could almost feel their pain, you know?"

"Yeah," Bulkhead replied sarcastically.

First Aid noticed Bumblebee checking him out. "Hey, Bumblebee, remember me? I did an internship at the Youth Sector you lived at. We used to hang out together."

Bumblebee smiled at the sight of the mech he looked up to and viewed as an older brother. "_Hey, First Aid! I missed you!"_

"I missed you, too, little buddy," First Aid said, calling Bumblebee by his pet name. Only First Aid calls Bumblebee "little buddy" and no one else was allowed, too.

Optimus took over the conversation. "If I remember correctly, you were part of the Protectobots?"

"Yeah, I served under Hot Spot. Streetwise, Blades, and Groove were my teammates."

"How come you left?" Arcee asked suspiciously.

First Aid's face darkened. "I didn't. They were severely damaged in a Decepticon ambush. I was seriously injured, but my comrades were suffering life threatening injuries. I had to carefully remove them from the battlefield and repair their injuries before help arrived. I succeeded, but they were so heavily damaged that they still remain locked into stasis while their bodies heal. I wanted to stay with them, but Ratchet said my services were needed elsewhere. He wanted me to take over as Autobot chief medical officer if should anything happen to him," First Aid explained.

Arcee was taken aback by First Aid's story. "Oh," she said sympathetically, "I'm sorry."

"It's ok. In another vorn, they should awake," First Aid said sympathetically.

"Wait," Optimus said. "You knew Ratchet?"

"Yes, sir. He was my mentor in medical school. I was his most prized student. He taught me in everything I knew and assigned me to the Protectobots Squad One. I was devastated to hear that Ratchet offlined. He was practically like another father to me."

_He knows Ratchet, _Optimus thought. _If Ratchet trained him and chose him as his successor, he must be more than qualified. _But watching First Aid repair his starship and hearing him talk about saving his comrades and his interactions with Bumblebee, Optimus knew that First Aid possessed more than intelligence and skill. First Aid braved death to bring his dying comrades to safety and fought with everything to save their lives, and he was successful. First Aid was compassionate. He wanted to stay by his comrades through vorns of recovery and befriended Bumblebee, who lived his whole life without a family in the Youth Sectors, and treated him like a little brother. First Aid even showed compassion to the nonliving things, caring for them as if they were sentient beings themselves, and First Aid didn't care how others thought how crazy he was for that. First Aid cared only about the patient – living or non living, sentient or non sentient – not what others thought about him. But First Aid was more than compassionate, he was empathetic. First Aid was in tuned to everyone's emotions and felt a real need to help them if they were in distressed. First Aid was probably more compassionate than Ratchet and just as skilled. He is exactly what Optimus was looking for. _Thank you, Ratchet, for sending down a mech like First Aid to us._

Optimus extended a servo to First Aid. "Welcome to Team Prime, First Aid."

* * *

><p><strong>I was originally gonna use Hoist, but when I've read G1 First Aid's bio, I decided to use him instead. First Aid's color scheme is similar to G1 First Aid. Also, the Protectobots do exist, but I made some changes. Rather than being a single Autobot subgroup, I imagined multiple squadrons of Protectobots, and rather than having origins on Earth and built by the Autobots, I gave them origins on Cybertron with Ratchet <strong>**_establishing_**** the Protectobots rather than Ratchet ****_building_**** the Autobots who become Protectobots. And unlike G1 in which they are a team of emergency, rescue, and law enforcement for humans, here they are teams of rescue and medical emergency for Cybetronian refugees and neutrals caught in the crossfires of war.**


	12. Epilogue: the Light

**Here you go - the last chapter. Thank you all for reading this and thank you to those who convinced me to turn this one-shot into a multi0fic story. Best idea ever! Enjoy! Disclaimer: I don't own show or song**

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><p>"<em>Hey little train! Wait for me!<br>I was held in chains but now I'm free  
>I'm hanging in there, don't you see<br>In this process of elimination_

_Hey little train! We're all jumping on_  
><em>The train that goes to the Kingdom<em>  
><em>We're happy, Ma, we're having fun<em>  
><em>It's beyond my wildest expectation"<em>

- "O Children" by: Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds _  
><em>

It's been a year since Ratchet died, and slowly, First Aid was becoming accepted as a member of the family. At first, Arcee, Jack, and Bulkhead, although grateful to have a medic, were hesitant about him. He was taking the place of Ratchet, a beloved member in their dysfunctional family. Besides that, Arcee and Bulkhead still thought First Aid was a little fried up in the processors for viewing machines as sentient beings like them. Raf took it the hardest. He was the one who viewed Ratchet the most like family, but First Aid's sweet nature and father-son/mentor-student relationship with Ratchet eventually won over the boy as he reassured that he could never take Ratchet's place in Raf's heart and often talked to Raf how much Ratchet meant to him. Optimus was very glad to have First Aid among his ranks, but a part of him felt guilty for replacing his dead best friend. Prime sometimes watched First Aid while he was working with anger in his spark. _Why can't it be Ratchet working the monitors instead of First Aid? Why can't Ratchet be alive instead and not First Aid? _The unreasonable anger Optimus had towards First Aid always turned to anger at himself and guilt for wishing death upon an innocent mech and for killing Ratchet. He never meant what wishing death upon First Aid. He just couldn't help but wish it was Ratchet who was alive and active. Optimus often wondered how First Aid could remain so upbeat when he could surely feel the negative emotions directed at him. Optimus thanked Primus everyday for First Aid's patience and compassion.

Only Bumblebee and Miko instantly accepted First Aid as a member of Team Prime without any hesitation or lingering anger and sadness. Bumblebee was thrilled to have his "big brother" back with him. Bumblebee wasted no time in telling every detail of his life since First Aid left the Youth Sectors after the end of his internship to the present. First Aid laughed at Raf's and his antics and felt great sorrow, pain, and proud to discover how Bumblebee lost his voice on the line of duty. First Aid wasted no time in devising a way to fix Bumblebee's voice box. Miko was ecstatic about a new Autobot in their ranks and constantly pestered First Aid with questions. Unlike Ratchet, First Aid didn't seem annoyed about Miko's questioning. He happily answered her questions, and when Miko's favorite electrical guitar broke beyond repair, First Aid fixed it so the guitar looked like the day it was purchased. He earned a place in Miko's "Best Autobot Ever" Hall of Fame.

Slowly but surely, First Aid became a fully fledged member of Team Prime and a member of their family by showing how bright his spark was whenever he comforted his comrades when suffering from injuries. Unless it was serious, Ratchet would criticize them for being careless while tending to their wounds. First Aid, on the other hand, would show compassion and even comfort them in their darkest times. That won Arcee and Bulkhead over although they still thought First Aid was a bit fried in the processors. Jack eventually warmed up to First Aid when he saw how good a guy he was and how well he got along with Jack's mother, both of them being in the medical field and all.

Ironically, Optimus found the light at the end of the long, dark tunnel through First Aid. First Aid may be a medic, but he councils his patients, suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder or other psychiatric disorders resulting from their injuries. In Cybertron, Transformers were strongly encouraged to minor in something related to their major and pursue a job combining their major and minor unlike humans whose minors helped enhance their majors but do not necessarily become careers. First Aid became Optimus's therapist in addition to medic.

Optimus and First Aid sat down on the edge of a plateau not far from base. Both mechs gazed at the sunset in silence for a few minutes.

"It's beautiful," Optimus said, almost whispering. "It's one of the many beauties of Earth that I love. It reminds me the sunsets in Cybertron."

"I never really got the chance to ever gaze upon a Cybertronian sunset. I was so busy with my work, and as a youngling, I was more interested in playing with my friends. By the time I had some free time and enough appreciation for sitting still, the dust already covered the sun," First Aid recalled.

"Ratchet always believed that everything on Earth was vastly inferior to everything on Cybertron. It took months for him to warm up to the children on base, but every once in awhile, I would catch him sneaking out of base just around this time to watch a sunset. Whenever I asked him about it, he would deny it and say he just needed to stretch his legs or buy some supplies," Optimus nostalgically said.

"Yeah, that's Ratchet alright. Back on Cybertron, he was always so busy, training the new medical students, healing patients, and persuading the High Council to establish the Protectobots that he claimed he has no time for simple pleasures. Of course, I often see him sneak out every once in awhile to enjoy a simple pleasure drive during the Twilight hours just after a sunset. For a guy who keeps rubbing it in that there's no time for relaxation or fun in the medical field, he sure did find time for it." First Aid chuckled.

"When it comes to guilt," Optimus changed the subject, "you have to work through it not try to convince the guilty that they're not."

First Aid nodded. "That's true."

"How does one work through the guilt?"

"Well, it's like sifting through a long dark tunnel filled with rocks. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, but you can't see it. You have to move rocks and dirt to get to the end, but you feel like you're trapped, and the rocks are too heavy to move. People keep telling you there's a way out, but you don't believe them because you can't see it. Then you start to believe them and grow determined to get out. You dig through the rocks. Sometimes they're too heavy to move, but there's someone always there to help. Sometimes the tunnel leads you farther into the ground before it leads to the surface, but it always does as long as you're willing to go on. Finally, after living a life trapped in the dark, you see the sun, and you step out in the surface to breathe the air." First Aid turned to Optimus. "Do you get it?"

Optimus nodded. "Yes. At first I was stuck in the tunnel, and I didn't think there's a way out. I just wanted to crawl up like a sparkling and die. Then when I saw Ratchet in the Inbetween, Ratchet made me believe that there's a way out. Now I wanted to dig myself out, but I just don't know how."

"I think you're already doing it without even realizing it. You already know that you're not guilty, and you're willing to have me help you through this process. You're starting to dig through the rubble. You just need to some of the heavy lifting."

"How?"

"Rid yourself of the guilt. You may know that you're not guilty for Ratchet's death, but the stain is still in your spark and doubt lingers in your processor. You need to understand beyond a shadow of a doubt – spark and processor – that you are truly not at fault. Think you can do that?" First Aid asked.

Optimus nodded. "Yes."

And that's just what Optimus did – lifting all the heavy boulders. Sometimes the boulders were too heavy, and Bulkhead would appear with his "Wreckers rule!" attitude to help lift the heavy boulders. Sometimes Miko appeared with Bulkhead to fill both mechs with her energetic encouragement. "Work it like Ratchet!" she would yell. Optimus would simply but graciously thank them and continue on lifting while Bulkhead disappeared to wherever Miko was.

At the end of the days, when Optimus's frame was dent and his arms sore from doing all that heavy lifting, First Aid would appear in the darkness and tend to his injuries and soothe his aching frame. When Optimus felt like he was never going to get out, he vented his frustration, and First Aid listened and encouraged him to keep on trying. "After all, the light's just around the corner," he'd always say. Raf would always show up with First Aid when Optimus required a medic. "Do it for Ratchet!" Raf would shout, and every time Optimus felt like he should give up, he remembered Raf's words and First Aid's encouragement and moved boulders for Ratchet. Sometimes Optimus felt like he could move Heaven and Earth for Ratchet and would have too if Ratchet was here in the tunnel with him.

When Optimus reached the lowest part of the tunnel, he felt like he was never getting out of this dark tunnel. _It's funny_, he would think, _I traveled to the deepest part of Cybertron and found my new purpose in like. I've traveled to the deepest part of Earth and saved a planet. But when I've traveled to the deepest pit of my hell, all I can do is wish I was never created. _Bumblebee, with his bright yellow armor creating an illusion of light in the inky darkness, and Jack would appear. They both looked up to Optimus and reminded him how much of a hero he was in their eyes and how much of a hero he is now. Optimus would at first refuse to believe them, but when they shouted, "Dig for Ratchet!" Optimus began to believe that he was as much as a hero as was in their eyes, and for Ratchet he digged through rocks until he was climbing up not down.

There was a point where Optimus felt that this tunnel had no ending, and he was condemned to live in this tunnel. Arcee would appear and remind Optimus how proud she was of him for getting this far and how proud Ratchet and would be. "We miss you. I miss you. We're all waiting for you to come back to us," she would say. "Don't worry. The light is just up ahead. Do it for Ratchet." Optimus would continue digging for Ratchet until he got to the end.

And then after months of digging, when the last rock was moved, Optimus could see the light.

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><p><strong><em>The End<em>**


End file.
